Saying Goodbye
by Jassmine de Blanc
Summary: My view on Forever in a Day and the process of Daniel's recovery.
1. Chilly Night of Sorrow

**Saying Goodbye**

Series of fanfiction dealing with the way Daniel tries to recover from loosing his wife

NOTE: In my opinion, **_'Forever in a Day'_** was one of the most beautiful, profound, intelligent, and sad episodes of STARGATE SG1 and I think there can't be too many missing scenes, tags, epilogues etc. for it. Another fact was that Daniel's dealing with Sha're's loss is a very complex phenomenon, so I had the idea of writing this fics. They are meant to be the source of a serious heart-ache for the reader, so please take a tissue box by your side… However, if I didn't manage in grieving you, please accept my apologies. Feedback would be extremely appreciated…

Stonedtoad – thank you for becoming my beta and improving my stories… and thank you for becoming a trusted friend and improving my life…

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PART ONE:

**Chilly Night of Sorrow**

Prologue to **_'Forever in a Day' _**

NOTE: This happens the night before the events in **_'Forever in a Day'_**.

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It was a chilly night. Daniel felt the wind blowing through his hair, touching him in a not-so-pleasant way. But he remembered there was a time he adored the wind. Whilst on Abydos he loved to watch Sha're doing her chores, and when the breeze was blowing, she seemed to look a little more beautiful… He closed his eyes and saw the image of his beloved wife smiling to him, the warm desert wind ruffling her thick black hair. How much had he loved her… And he still did. He knew she was out there, somewhere, trapped in her own body, somewhere, far, far away from him. He felt his eyes fill with tears at the thought of it.

No, he didn't want to cry! But it was so sad, all of it. His entire life had been sorrowful. He had lost everything he held dear: his parents, his childhood, his reputation, his career… And when he believed he had a new life, he lost it all again: his wife, his love, his home, his family, his self-trust.

Now the only things he had left were some wonderful friends, who helped him so much, and his hope. Hope that someday he will find Sha're and Skaara. Hope that someday they will defeat the Goa'uld and there won't be so many people suffering. Hope that someday the world will find out about the Stargate and that he could regain his career and the place he deserved in the academic community. Hope that someday he would make it up with Nick, the grandfather who rejected him and refused to take care of him when his parents died. Hope that someday the world would be a better place. Hope that someday he will be happy again. Someday…

He looked up at the sky. So wide, so heavy and so full of stars… It made him wonder which one of them was shining on the woman he loved, which one saw her beauty and heard her unspoken pain, which light shone on her hair and warmth touched her skin. He knew she was also suffering and that she still loved him. He was sure about it. The host survived. She still loved him. She missed him. She wanted to be by his side. He was so sure about it…

"I miss you too, my love," he murmured in the night, finally allowing a warm tear to trickle down his cheek.

It had become very cold, and again, this brought back more memories to Daniel. It reminded him of the long and so beautiful nights he used to spend on the dunes of Abydos, holding Sha're in his arms, stargazing, talking of their love and the future they wanted together. Those were the most wonderful nights in his life, since then he felt he was really loved by the most beautiful, kind, and intelligent woman in the universe, and respected by the entire population of a planet. Not to mention being accepted in the archaeological paradise in which he was living, actually being part of a civilization everyone thought to be lost. Yes, that was definitely the best time of his life. Will he ever have the opportunity to spend other such nights? Maybe.

Maybe tomorrow would be a better day; maybe it would be worst. Maybe tomorrow he would find her and save her. Maybe tomorrow he would get to hold her again, and breathe her perfume and taste those soft lips and stroke her hair like he did so many times. To feel the warmth of her body against his, and hear her gentle voice saying how much she missed him, and be able to confess the tremendous love he felt for her. Maybe tomorrow his suffering would come to an end. Maybe tomorrow he would watch the same sky from the same balcony, together with the only women his heart could ever love.

Wiping the salty tears, which were silently furrowing his face, he decided to go inside and try to get some rest. Tomorrow could be an important day…

"I love you, Sha're. I always will," he whispered before leaving, and the wind took his words and spread them into the chilly night…

END OF PART ONE


	2. Free again

PART TWO:

**Free Again…**

The episode from Sha're's point of view

NOTE: I know that everyone thinks in their mother language, so Sha're would think in Abydonian. As this fic tries to show her thoughts, her ideas, her feelings, for more credibility I should have written this in Abydonian. The problem is I can't speak it, and I think nor can the majority of the readers, so I wrote it in English. Please imagine that you read it in Abydonian and you have a translation or something… Her thoughts are written regularly, dialogues between the symbiont and its host are put in …, 'external' dialogues invented by me are between "…" and dialogues taken from the episode are written in _italics_, between "…".

Many, many thanks to Stonedtoad, for her great and helpful advice both as a beta and as a friend.

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I have to do something. I can't allow Ammonet to hurt my people. I know she captured many Abydonians, and brought them here, to this planet. She killed some, and tortured others for information. I don't even want to think what she's doing now… I've got to stop her! I must! But it's useless. I want to move my hand, but the hand does what _she_ wants. I want to close my eyes, for I don't desire to see all the atrocities she can show me as a punishment, but my eyes remain opened. I want to scream, to tell everyone that I'm still here, but my mouth is silent. I want to run away from it all, but my legs don't obey my orders. I'm trapped in my own body,- I'm alive, but with no control, trapped with the silent echoes of my screams. Right now I don't see, hear, or feel anything from the outside world. She can do this and she does it whenever there's something very important and she doesn't want me to know about it. Or when she doesn't want to share her sensations. And this is a good thing, because I really don't want to see the terror in a man's eyes when she kills him little by little, very painfully, with the hand device. Or I couldn't stand feeling my body being with another man, with Apophis. Even thinking of it makes me sick… I'm betraying all the oaths I made to my Dan'iel; I'm even betraying my own love for him… But no. _I_'m not doing it. _She_ is. It's just that thought brings no comfort and my tears do not wash away my pain. Oh, I miss him so much…! I miss his tender embraces, his eyes, his voice, his smile, his hands playing in my hair, his skin on mine… I want him to be here with me, to take me in his arms and just hold me for hours. I want to loose myself in those soft blue eyes, and hear him again saying that he loves me, and there is nothing in the world that might destroy this enormous love. But now… I'm alone, prisoner in my mind, and I don't know if I'll ever be able to tell him how much I loved him.

Where are you, my Dan'iel? Are you ever thinking of me? Are you trying to find me, and save me somehow from the hell that my life had become?

Oh, I can't be that stupid! I know he is. I can't allow myself to believe that he had forgotten me or that he doesn't care about me anymore. Because I know him. I know he's the most wonderful, forgiving, kind and loving man in the Universe. Yes. I know that. And he proved his love by the way he behaved when my child was born. He did all in his power to help me. He even wanted to take me to his planet… And he appeared not to hate the baby within me. I know he was suffering too, more than I dare imagine. He should have been extremely angry on me for having a child with another man, but he understood. Of course, he's so smart… In the short time we were together, I used to wonder how could he be so intelligent. His wisdom, together with the passion he showed in deciphering what the inscriptions in that cave were writing, made me fall in love with him on our first wedding night. Later, when we would spend nights in the middle of the desert and he would tell me tales from his world, I would be totally charmed by him. By his way of speaking, by the way he used to look at me, by his voice… And I have to admit he's also extremely good-looking… He really was the most perfect husband a woman could ever have, he loved me, and I'm sure he still does. I wish someday we could be a family again, and maybe… the little boy I gave birth to could be a part of that family too. Although he's not Dan'iel's, I can't help loving my own child…

Oh, my poor baby! When Ammonet took control of me again, I could see him being kidnapped by one of Heru'Ur's guards. He's probably dead by now… I am a mother, but I wasn't allowed to hold my own child… But… maybe it's better this way. If Apophis had put his hands on him, he'd take the child as his new host, and I don't want him to live the life I'm living.

How much I hate the Goa'uld! They destroyed all I had, and death is million times better than the life I live, not living but simply being, day after day as my body is used by another… I hate them so much!

Speaking of which… There she goes. She lets me perceive again.

/"What were you saying about us?" /

/"I said I hate you! I'm not scared about what you're going to do with me! Go ahead, hurt me, torture me, kill me, do whatever you want, but I'll never approve of you. And since I don't have anything left, I don't even have myself anymore, I don't care about life!" /

/"You don't care? Good. This means you don't care about sending your father to death by your own hands?" /

/"No! Please don't do that! You can't do that!" /

/"Oh, yes… I can…"/

Now I hear his voice from outside the tent. Father? Is that you? Yes, I know it's him. How could I forget the voice that guided me through life for all my childhood and teenage years? The voice of my father was the one to tell me what was right and what was wrong, he taught me all he knew and tried to make a fine woman out of me. Oh, father… what did they do to you? Are you hurt…?

"I tell you, this is not the infant you are seeking. The child of my daughter was taken by Heru'Ur."

Infant…? My child…? Might he be alive? Here?

"Shut up, old man!" This must have been one of Ammonet's Jaffa…

I hear someone groaning as if being hit. Oh, Father!

"Bring him in front of his Lady! And bring the child with you!" I sense Ammonet speaking with my mouth in a deep Goa'uld voice.

My father is being forced to kneel in front of me. He looks tired, and in pain. If only I could do something to help him…

"How could you dare say this is not my child? The blood probes prove it!"

One of the Jaffa uses a torturing device on him, but he doesn't say a word.

"So finally you're admitting… by this silence." Then she turns to her closest aid: "Well done. Give me the infant."

"My Lady." The Jaffa bows his head and hands her…a small…sweet… baby! It is my child! I know it; I feel it! And my arms are holding him right now. He is a wonderful baby… and a part of me. Oh, I just wish he was Dan'iel's child…But now is not the time to think about this. I'm holding my baby for the first time… But Ammonet is holding him… without love… like… an unimportant thing.

"Very nice, indeed. Take the infant and go to Kheb. Remain there until you receive further information from us or from our beloved Pharaoh Apophis!"

"As you wish, My Lady."

'Our beloved Pharaoh Apophis'! It gives me nausea… So she's taking my poor child to…a place called Kheb…

"And what are we to do with the old man, My Lady?" another Jaffa asks.

Oh, no. I feel my left hand rising...

/"No! Don't you hurt him!" /

/"And what could you do to stop me?" /

No! She hits my father with the hand device, and he's sent flying several feet.

"Take him away! I have things of a greater importance to do for the moment…"

/"And now, my humble hostess, you're going to suffer my great vengeance! You shall learn the power of your goddess!"/

I want to tell her she's not my goddess, but before I can do it, she continues:

/"Are you prepared to kill the man you love most?" /

It can't be. She just sent my father away and… Dan'iel! No, no, no, no! He's far away now, in a safe place. He has to be!

/"No, he's not! He's right here. In the middle of a battlefield! I've deliberately let some Abydonians send a message towards Earth. They asked for help, and now your husband and his pathetic little friends are thinking they can save this entire people…! Defeating my army of Jaffa…! They don't have a chance, and if they do win, from my part, they're free to take them away. I don't care. I succeeded in my mission; I've taken the baby and that is the most important fact. Now I'll have fun, my host, because if your Daniel is still alive, he'll come here. Wait and see his reaction when he sees you!" /

I'm moving again and my legs take me outside the tent. I can see my father talking to another man… Oh, no! It really is him! My Dan'iel! Run! Save yourself! Ammonet is going to hurt you! Please go away! But it's no use. I'm crying in the inside, but my eyes remain dry.

My father is pointing this tent and, after being told something, he follows the others. My husband is running towards here. I know he didn't recognize me yet, but I'm afraid of what will happen when he does. He stops, looking at me. Yes. Now he knows I'm here. Please don't come closer, my love! Please run away! I don't want to hurt you! Run! Please…!

A Jaffa emerges. Dan'iel shoots him. Then another guard appears, fires his weapon, knocking my husband off his feet. The second Jaffa is killed too. I just hope my Dan'iel is all right…

/"He is, you fool. But not for long!" /

I'm entering the tent again, but I can hear the sounds of the battle outside. Knowing my Dan'iel, he would come here.

And here he is, holding a gun to me. His hair is shorter than it used to be, but this doesn't make my husband less handsome… I see a lot of things in his beautiful eyes: fear, determination, emotion, a little shock, hate for the Goa'uld and… love for me…

"_Don't move,"_ he says in English, his voice shaking a little.

Oh, how much did I miss that kind voice! Come on, my love, kill Ammonet, and take my life with hers. Save yourself! Go away! I love you so much! Please save yourself! Please!

He looks for something while he's coming closer. Oh, my love, please, please go away! You're in a great danger here, and I don't want to hurt you in any way. Please… save yourself…!

"_Where's the boy?"_

I feel my eyes glowing while I hear Ammonet speaking, using the same language:

"_Where you and the System Lords will never find him."_

"_Don't."_

No! My hand starts to rise again. She's going to kill him if I don't do something… But what could I do to help him?

/"Don't do it, Ammonet! Please! Don't hurt him! Hurt me instead!" /

/"This is the best way to hurt you, my humble hostess. Right now, you're going to kill the man you love. He won't do a thing to stop you. And when he's dead, I'll put him in the sarcophagus, resurrect him and kill him again and again, until I feel you learned to fear the great power of the Goa'uld!" /

"_Don't,"_ he repeats and aims his gun. Please, kill Ammonet! Save yourself, my Dan'iel! Don't think about my life. It's nothing compared to yours. Please kill her! Please set me free…!

But he doesn't fire. She activates the deadly device and the process begins, making my husband sink to his knees. I can feel the enormous pain I'm causing him. No. It's not _I_ who's hurting him - it's _she._ Anyhow, I've got to stop it!

"_No, Sha're. Fight it."_

I am! I'm fighting it as hard as I can. You can't see my tears, can you? Only my soul cries…

/"Ammonet, you're going to pay for this! I don't know how, but I will stop you!" /

/"You cannot!" /

"_My host cannot help you."_ My eyes are glowing again.

"_Sha're…."_

His life depends on me. He's beseeching me to help him, and I'll do whatever I can to do so. Oh, his eyes are showing all the pain my own hand is causing him! This does it! I have to do something. And suddenly…I feel a great strength coming from my heart. From my love for him. I can hear Ammonet screaming inside.

/"No! It cannot be! You cannot retake control over your body again! I _control_ you! I'm your goddess! The host doesn't survive! You cannot be doing this!" /

Well, it seems I can. I'm…partially… me again. I can't move, I know she is still keeping me prisoner, but now_ I_ control the device. Can't stop it yet, but I can stop hurting him. I'm not producing any pain now.

A Jaffa enters. Luckily, it's Teal'c, Apophis' ex-first prime. He aims his weapon then looks at my Dan'iel, who slowly releases his sidearm. Teal'c is going to fire. I'm going to die. Dan'iel would hate the Jaffa for killing me. And he won't know where to find the boy. And he won't know how much have I loved him. I can't allow this to happen. I must…send my Dan'iel a message and tell him all this… somehow… But how…? There has to be a way. I know! The ribbon-device. Yes. It's working. I'm sending my message. The seconds become weeks and I can make him 'dream' what could happen after I'm killed.

He opens his gorgeous eyes. _"Hear me, Dan'iel,"_ I tell him. No words came out, but I'm sure he heard me, through the device. I continue to make him dream, but Ammonet is fighting me and for a moment, my image from his dream disappears. However, I don't stop, I mustn't allow her to take control over me again… I manage in continuing the 'vision' I'm giving him._ "Hear me, Dan'iel."_ Please, husband, you have to forgive Teal'c! And you have to find the boy!

His vision goes on, but again, Ammonet is trying to stop me. _"Hear me, Dan'iel."_ Now the imaginary scenario carries on again, and… again, it is interrupted. _"Come to me, Dan'iel."_ Yes. He's 'dreaming' again. I have to make him realize what would happen if he stopped his journey through the Chappa'ai. I have to make him realize he should forgive Teal'c. It's not the Jaffa's fault if he kills me. I know he will do it, but it would be the best solution he could have taken. And I want my Dan'iel to realize he must find the boy.

Ammonet is trying to stop me again. Not this time! I will finish what I want to tell him. I have to…

In his dream, he just promised me to find the boy. I know he'll do his best.

There's not much time left… I have one more thing to explain before I die. So many words need to be said… But there is no time left… Teal'c will kill me, and I won't have the time to say all I have to say… But there has to be a way. I must find it before it's too late. This time, it really is over. I have to say goodbye. But I don't want to say goodbye. Not like this. And I don't want him to suffer from loosing me. I have to find a way… I have to help him, I have to ease his pain… And… yes, I know. I found the way. I know what to do, and I do it. In his vision, I kiss him, and use the time to download something else into his mind. At the right moment…

Ammonet is making my eyes glow for a last time. I see Dan'iel's sidearm tumbling to the floor. Teal'c raises his weapon. He fires. I'm knocked off my feet. My Dan'iel falls at my side. I feel Ammonet dying within me. I am finally _free._ For almost three years, I wanted to be free, to be myself again. Now the Goa'uld that possessed me died, and I'm finally free again. Yet, it's useless, because I'll die. I don't have much time left. I have to say the most important thing that needs to be said, and I say it:

"_I love you, Dan'iel."_

I close my eyes, but I'm not dead yet. I must hear his answer. Instead, I hear Teal'c voice:

"_I am sorry, Daniel Jackson."_

"_You did the right thing, Teal'c."_

Yes, my Dan'iel, he did the right thing. He made me free again. Try to forgive him! Please…

I hear somebody else coming in. A woman's voice says:

"_Oh, God,"_ and then a voice I recognize to be O'Neill's:

"_Teal'c?"_

The Jaffa answers:_ "Daniel Jackson will be fine,"_ and than there's silence.

And… I can feel a soft touch on my face… And I know it's him, my beloved husband. He's the only one able to touch me like this, the only one able to make me feel what I'm feeling now, the only one to make my heart tremble with so much love… For the last time, he shows me he's here for me. He doesn't let me die alone… He's here… he loves me… I'm free… and still, it's in vain... Living my last second, I finally hear the four words I longed for, the four words I will take with me into eternity:

"_I love you too."_

Now I can go…

END OF PART TWO


	3. After Hope Has Died With Her

PART THREE:

**After Hope Has Died with Her**

Tag to **_'Forever in a Day' _**

NOTES: As usually, many, many thanks to Stonedtoad for the beta. Your help is grately appreciated:)

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"_I love you too."_

Daniel's words kept floating in the air and in everyone's mind for several minutes of overwhelming silence. They were all staring at the lifeless body of the beautiful woman who used to be Daniel's main reason of going through the Stargate. Now his quest was over. However, life just couldn't stop in the inhospitable tent on that fatal planet.

Jack understood the measureless emptiness that was filling his friend's soul. He felt it too, the moment that doctor said that… his son had died. But this was different. Charlie's death had been something totally unexpected and, somehow, at least in the first few minutes, shock eclipsed pain. Part of his mind had been too busy trying to realize what the hell that man dressed in white was trying to say. His boy and death? An hour before Charlie had been the happiest boy in the world… But another part of him knew damn well what had happened, and started to suffer completely. This was different. Daniel knew the woman he loved could be lost forever any time. He knew that the hope of finding her was very fragile and could be gone anytime. Back at the beginnings of the SGC, when Jack would ask his friend, finding him deeply lost in thoughts, what had happened, Daniel used to avoid the question and bury himself in work again. Anyhow, one day, just after Kawalsky's death, Daniel answered and told him he was thinking of Sha're. Of what might have been happening to her right in that moment. 'What if she's dead by now or what if someone is killing her in this very moment?' had been the most usual words to be kept in his mind and to torture him every second. After the incident with her child's birth, his worries came back to him, this time more powerful. And right that morning, after they received the message from the Abydonians, Daniel had been extremely restless, and afraid something really bad would happen. As he always used to do, Jack had told him everything would be all right. And it wasn't. Hell, it wasn't! She was dead. And Daniel was already suffering deeply. For almost three years, he'd lived waiting for the right moment to find her, save her and taste happiness together with his wife again. In several minutes, he lost his dream. In several minutes, hope was dead. In several minutes, his world had turned upside down again… Now the still-collapsed-on-the-flour archaeologist was stubbornly watching his wife's gorgeous frozen features as if waiting for her to open her eyes and smile to him again. Unfortunately, this was something that wouldn't ever happen. Hope had died. And when hope is dead, there are no words of comfort any more. Time was the only thing to help healing for such a loss: resignation. When hope dies, only resignation can keep a man sane. And Jack liked to think that they'd be able to help him pass through this. But how the hell was he going to help Daniel?

In the same way, Sam was thinking of a method of easing Daniel's pain. If this had been a physics problem, she would have probably solved it by now. Unfortunately, it was something a lot more complicated. Still, she had to help her friend. But how? Oh, God, how! She knew she couldn't let him bury himself alive under a thick layer of unimaginable sorrow. Sha're had been very important to him, yes, but Daniel needed to live again, to restart his life. SG1 needed him. Earth needed him. The Universe needed him. Sam needed him. And she was determined to help him feel better.

She just couldn't imagine how the young archaeologist was feeling. He had witnessed the death of his beloved wife and, from Teal'c's look, she had been killed by the Jaffa. A good friend had killed his wife. A man Daniel trusted with his life, respected and almost thought to be family… had murdered the woman he loved. And also killed the only thing to keep him sane all this time: hope. God, it was terrible! Was Daniel ever going to be able to pass this too? He did suffer a lot in his life, but where was the limit beyond which this man couldn't take it any more? Sam remembered the incident with the Gamekeeper, remembered seeing Daniel watch his parents die right in front of him again and again. Another dark episode from his life… Yet, he could stay sane. Was that going to happen now?

She'd lost loved ones herself, but not like this. When her mother died in that damn car accident, she hadn't witnessed it. Plus, she could focus her pain on her father. But Daniel? God, it would be a hard job helping him…

Although Teal'c's face wasn't showing more than a deep regret and a profound sense of guiltiness, the Jaffa's soul wasn't that serene. He had just killed the wife of a man who had been his friend. Indeed, he had killed many people, both during his life in the service of Apophis, and since he had joined the people from Earth. Many of his innocent victims had been young and beautiful women, each of them being daughter, sister, lover, wife or mother to someone. But none of them had been the wife of a dear friend…

Teal'c would have been proud to die himself on condition that his life could have saved the woman that was now lying on the blooded floor. He was indeed sorry to end her life, yet he knew he had done the right thing. He had seen many people killed by a hand-device in a matter of instants. Had he hesitated for a moment, Daniel Jackson would have been dead by now.

However, his friend's eyes showed such a deep sorrow… a sorrow deeper than death itself. The man looked extremely… lost. Ever since he had said his last words, his fingers were unconsciously caressing Sha're's cheek, while his blue eyes, still dry, were fixed on her. Could that man ever forgive Teal'c for killing the most loved person in his life? Or for taking away his hope? Daniel Jackson was known to be a very kind man and he did have a great power of forgiveness… But how would he be able to forgive this time…?

For a second time, Teal'c was estranging Daniel Jackson from happiness, by killing the woman his friend loved. At that time, when the first prime of Apophis chose the gorgeous young woman to be the new host for Amaunet, he hadn't met her husband, nor met her. When they did meet, on Abydos, he had asked for her forgiveness, and she appeared to understand. Her husband also understood that Teal'c's choice had been a random one, and that he had just obeyed an order. Now was a different situation. He was deliberately sending to death a woman who had been the wife of a friend, of a brother at arms, a woman who for that man had meant more than life itself.

The Jaffa remembered the look on Daniel Jackson's face after returning from Abydos, the loss clearly visible on his features. Indeed, he cared greatly for his wife. He proved his love by his behaviour when they found Sha're pregnant with Apophis' son. The scholar had been extremely tender and understanding…

What about now? Was Daniel Jackson able to understand again? What was about to happen? Was there not some form of human ritual in which he might ask Daniel Jackson's forgiveness? Was his friend ever going to be fine? He said it himself, but was that the truth? And was the archaeologist going to forgive him? Teal'c was somehow surprised by the first words Daniel Jackson had said after Sha're's death. He knew he did the right thing, and he was sure that he would have done the same thing again. Yet, did Daniel really mean it? Was he truly thinking that Teal'c had done the right thing…?

"Come on, Danny." Jack's voice interrupted everyone's thoughts. "Let's go home. Do you think you can walk?" After all, their colleague had been held in the clutches of a ribbon device and, though he seemed to look fine physically (besides the burn on his forehead), he did need medical attention. The colonel held out his hand for Daniel to help the younger man rise. Both from the floor and from the misery his life had become. The archaeologist accepted it and rose. For the moment, just from the floor.

"Daniel," O'Neill repeated, seeing that his friend, now on his feet, was still absently looking down at Sha're's body.

"Yeah, Jack. Just… Oh, God! Jack, it's over…!" His voice sounded desperate, yet his eyes were still dry. Jack learned once more that the greatest pains needed time to unleash. Especially as Daniel was struggling hard not to cry…

Sam left the tent, making a small signal to Teal'c to follow her, which the Jaffa did. Now the men were alone, just the two of them and Sha're's… dead… body. Hope had left with her last breath…

"Let's go home now, please. We can deal there with all that's happened," the older man said in a very soft voice, careful not to hurt his friend any more with what he might say. Damn, it was hard to control the situation! "The Abydonians will be on Earth by now," he added, "and you are the only one able to speak with them and explain where they are and what's happening." Not that he cared about those people in that very second. No. All that mattered for him was Daniel and finding a way to help his friend. For his part, all the Abydonians in the Universe could go straight to hell, as long as Daniel was fine. But the linguist was far from being fine… Damn! "You know, they really need somebody to say it's OK and… you're that 'somebody', " he continued his pleading. Jack knew that by making Daniel think about other people's problems, the anthropologist could forget about his own sorrow for the moment. It worked several times… but this time the strategy wasn't going as expected…

" 'OK', Jack? 'OK'! You think this is 'OK'!" the archaeologist said, motioning towards Sha're's body. "Well it's not 'OK'! My wife…" He couldn't continue. He couldn't say it. He couldn't. He simply couldn't say she was dead. He didn't want to believe it was true.

Trying to banish these thoughts, he looked at his friend. Great! Now he made Jack feel bad too. It wasn't the colonel's fault that some words he spoke made Daniel angry…

"Jack, I-I-I… I'm sorry. Yeah, sorry. For saying this. It's just that…" His voice was cut off again. It was over. She was dead. Now he had nothing to live for any more. Nothing to hope for. But it couldn't be true! He wanted to pretend it was only another nightmare. Yep, just another tragic end imagined by his mind while he was sleeping. Nothing more, nothing less, than a nightmare. Just a nightmare… He kept repeating these words hoping they were true. But they weren't! This time, his nightmare was real. Too real… This was the tragic end of the story. Sha're's story. Their love's story. His hope's story.

"Oh, Jack… it's over! It's over…" he kept repeating, falling to his knees again and softly running his fingers over her dead face. "It's over…"

Though he was addressing the colonel, he seemed more to talk to himself. And he had such a grievous intonation that it broke Jack's heart. Daniel wasn't crying. He was fighting away tears with a typical stubbornness. Probably the scientist didn't want to cry in front of him, O'Neill thought. Yeah, Danny-boy was in a terrible situation, yet his dignity was intact. Damn! He really had to do something to help his friend…

"Daniel. Please. Let's go home now," Jack said after a brief moment of silence, putting a hand on his friend's shoulder and assuring him he was there and was determined to help. "You don't want to talk to Kasuf and the others, fine. No one will force you to," he added, "But we have to go now. You can't just stay here for the rest of your life, you know…"

"Wish I could…" he murmured, while his CO was calling Carter through the radio. He wasn't listening to what they were saying. He didn't want to. He didn't want to do anything. He didn't want to live… And how could he live without her? Being honest, Daniel admitted to himself he'd lived without her for the past three years… but he had the _hope_ of finding her and it kept him alive. Now that was gone too…

Suddenly, he felt Sam's hand on his shoulder. Was she saying something to him?

"Were you saying something?"

"Just that we should go now. Please."

"No. I-I-I'm not leaving her… Not again, and not like this…" he said quietly.

"Daniel, please go home. You're tired and you need to be checked out by Janet. So go with Sam. Don't worry, I won't leave her here. Please. I'm gonna carry her to the gate myself, I promise." Promises. Jack had made one a long time ago: to help Daniel find his wife and bring her home. Now he was fulfilling it, but not in the way he thought. His friend was looking at him silently, a deep sorrow visible on his tired eyes. Probably he was thinking the same thing, Jack believed…

Daniel caressed his wife's face once more and then, turning towards his friends, he nodded, for the first time, taking his eyes off Sha're. This time, he also moved, rising and exiting the tent he would hate for the rest of his life. Outside it was a beautiful day, with an enormous sun shining happily upon his miserable life. The world was simply carrying on, while his wife was lying dead in that damn tent!

"It's not fair, Sam. It's just not fair…"

"I know, Daniel, it never is. I'm sorry."

Then silence. Heavy, overwhelming silence again. Daniel seemed to be determined to traverse the miles they had to the Stargate in silence, just with his thoughts and Sam decided to respect his choice.

But Sam was wrong. Daniel didn't want to think. At that moment, thinking was the worst thing to be done. He knew it. Thus, he tried hard to concentrate on marching through the desert… Desert. Abydos. Sha're. Dead. Oh, God…

He shook his head, trying to get these things out of his mind. He watched his feet, struggling to focus on putting one foot in front of the other. Right foot, left foot, right foot, left foot… It was simple. Yep, walking was a simple thing. He liked walking. Well, he didn't exactly like his shoes to be filled with sand but… Sand. Abydos. Sha're. Dead. Oh, God…

It surely was a lot more difficult not to think about what had happened, than to allow pain to win over him. He had the option of surrendering, but he didn't want to take it yet. He knew there would be a time when he will have no choice but face the situation as it was. But in that moment, he mustn't think of it. If he thought about what happened, if he thought about _her death_, he would surely loose his mind. He would think about it all the next day. Yes. Tomorrow, not now. Tomorrow his mind would be clear and than he'll be able to think well. He mustn't think about it now, he mustn't, he mustn't…

Daniel kept paraphrasing Scarlett O'Hara's mantra, but the effect was not the one expected. The words themselves reminded him of a night he had spent with his wife, at their home, narrating the subject of 'Gone by the Wind' to her. She'd asked him to tell a story, and, without knowing why, he chose this novel… Before his mind could relive the moments of her death, he lifted his eyes and endeavoured to find something else to focus on. Only than did he realize Jack and Teal'c weren't with them.

"Um… Sam…?"

"Yeah." She stopped and looked at him.

"Where are the others?"

"Well… They'll come too, after they finished with…"

'…the dead,' he continued in his mind. Oh, God!

Sam watched her friend; it was clear he understood what the rest of the incomplete sentence was. She instantly felt sorry for saying it and opened her mouth to tell him something, anything… but Daniel stopped her with a gesture. Since he didn't want any words of comfort for the moment, she nodded and continued to walk.

By the time they reached the Stargate, grief, hopelessness had won over Daniel, and the archaeologist's mind was full of fragments of thoughts, rhetoric questions, and unfinished ideas. It was all a mess, a mixture of loss, despair, helplessness, anger, and pain. Lots of pain. It was over. How could this be happening? Why? She was gone. It was over. Dead. Unfair. Over. Pain. Suffering. Loss. He still loved her. Gone. He hated the Goa'uld. Over. God! She would never be by his side again. He mustn't think of it right in that moment. It was over. There was no hope. Unfair. Pain. Why?

"Why…?" he murmured quietly, not completely aware of the fact that he said it aloud.

Sam sighed and patted him gently on his arm before going to the DHD to dial home. When the wormhole formed, she sent the GDO and returned to where her friend was standing, absently looking at the 'gate.

"Come on, Daniel, we're going home now."

Guided by his teammate, he climbed the platform and stopped in front of the event horizon. The beautiful blue, water-like effect was waving like any time he'd stepped through it. The only difference was that now he wasn't hoping he would find her… With a visible effort to keep away tears, he let his body fall into the wormhole. He left his hope in the tent of her death.

Reaching the other side, Daniel was surprised to see General Hammond in person standing at the base of the ramp. Did he know? Probably yes, since, during his discussion with Jack, Sam and Teal'c could have gone and report everything…

"Welcome home, people. Doctor Jackson, on behalf on this facility and myself, I'd like to offer my deepest condolences…"

"Thank you, sir."

"Major Carter, report in an hour. Doctor Jackson, they're waiting for you in the infirmary…"

Before Daniel could reply, the doors opened and Janet, followed by a couple of nurses, entered the Embarkation Room.

"Come on, Daniel, I have to check you up. I heard something about a ribbon device…?"

Hammond watched as the newly widower headed towards the infirmary. From what he was told by Major Carter half an hour ago, Sha're, Doctor Jackson's wife, had been killed by Teal'c in order to save his life. It seemed it would be a very long briefing… A briefing Doctor Jackson wouldn't be taking part at, due to his medical and emotional condition. George understood what Daniel was feeling. When his own wife died, he felt the same. And now he hoped to God that the archaeologist would find enough strength within him to get past this too. If needed, the general could talk to the younger man, let him know they all would be there for him. They needed him at SGC and if he quit, everyone would miss him. The facility wouldn't be the same without him…

In the infirmary, Janet was astonished by the fact that, despite having been caught in a hand-device, Daniel seemed to be physically all right. He had a headache, and a nasty burn on his forehead, but his brain wasn't damaged as she expected. She didn't know what to think about whether his explanations were true or not. After all, her patient was having a great emotional problem… Yep, they'll have to deal with that too… In the worst case, she was even determined to recommend a visit to a psychologist… anything that could help him… But later. Now her patient needed rest. Even induced rest…

However, she had to talk to Sam and ask for her opinion on this topic. If ribbon devices were controlled by thought, as they supposed much of the Goa'uld technology was, it would be logically one could be able of sending a message through it… Later. Now she had to help Daniel.

"Doctor Jackson, if you don't mind, I'd like you to take this sleeping pill."

"OK," he said while taking the medicine from her hand. A deep sleep could keep the unwanted nightmares away for a little… If only he could sleep forever, not needing to come back to the cruel reality…

"Daniel...?"

"Yeah, Janet," he muffled, the tablet starting to have effect.

"I just wanted to say I'm sorry…."

Daniel nodded, barely hearing her. His view had become increasingly unclear. He felt so numb… so sleepy… The room soon disappeared and pitch darkness surrounded him as he slowly dived in a deep, artificial slumber.

END OF PART THREE


	4. Facing Reality

PART FOUR:

**Facing Reality**

NOTE: My opinion is that all we see in the episode **_'Forever in a Day'_**, from the moment Daniel loses his hold on the handgun at the end of the teaser, until his sidearm reaches the ground, is only imaginary. I believe that all events occur in the vision Sha're was sending her husband through the hand-device. So this fic tries to show what might happen when Daniel wakes up in the infirmary, this time for real.

All my grateful thoughts to Stonedtoad, the wonderful beta who finds time to help me with this stories and without whom I would never have posted anything… Thanks a lot!

* * *

Headache. That was the first thing Daniel felt waking up. For a second, he couldn't remember anything. But it was just a blessed painless second, which fled like any other second. The next moment, it all came back to him. The message from Kasuf, going to the coordinates his father-in-law had given them, setting the Abydonians free, seeing her, following Ammonet in the tent, the ribbon-device, the physical pain… And then the strange dream. Or was it a dream? Yes, kind of. Dream, vision, something like this. He had to forgive Teal'c. He'd done that, right? Well, probably not completely, but he'll do it in the days to come. He had to find the boy. He'll do it. He promised he would, so he'll do it. And than the imaginary scenario ended abruptly and again, he was caught in Amaunet's hand-device. And then… a shot… and she fell… and told him she loved him… and then… she was gone… Gone. Forever. Dead. Oh, God!

He lost her. Why did he have to live any more…? He didn't want to open his eyes. He didn't want to face reality…

"Daniel…? You awake?"

Jack. His friend had been sitting by his bed for a long time, Daniel thought. So he decided to open his eyes and live again for now…

"Hi," he said, but hardly could he take a glimpse around him, that Janet was already shining a penlight in his eyes. Just like in his dream…

And just like in his dream, he saw that Hammond, Carter and O'Neill were all there, while Teal'c was standing in the doorway. But this time he didn't want to hear the same conversation. He remembered everything. Her death, his short discussion with Jack, the way back to the Stargate, arriving home, the check-up, and a sleeping pill. It was all there in his mind; he didn't need somebody to remind it to him. He knew damn well that she was dead… And it hurt.

"Hi, Daniel. How are you feeling?"

"Headache. Not a very big one, though," he answered to Janet's question.

"Ok. I'll arrange for some medication," the petite doctor said before leaving Daniel for a moment in the capable hands of his friends.

Silence again. Only than had Jack seen the great sorrow that was mirroring itself in Daniel's clear blue eyes. Man, they had to do something to help him… But he couldn't say anything… Instead, Daniel himself was the one to speak first.

"Come in, Teal'c, you don't have to stay in the doorway…." Daniel's words surprised everyone, but especially the Jaffa.

"I am indeed sorry, Daniel Jackson. It is I who am responsible for what had happened. I assure it was done only to save your life," he said while taking some steps into the room.

"I know, Teal'c. I think I should thank you for saving my life, but I just can't do it now, so…"

"I understand," the Jaffa told him in return.

"You know, she asked me to forgive you," the archaeologist continued.

"She did…?" was the only thing Jack could say.

"Yes. In the message she sent me through the hand device."

"Ah, about this message, Daniel, we really need to speak…."

"Later, Sam," he cut her off. "Right now, I… can't think of it."

"Ok." Carter didn't want to make her teammate suffer more than he already was, so she didn't push the matter any further. When Daniel would be able to talk to her, she'd be there.

"May I… may I see her?" He asked uncertainly, feeling tears forming in his eyes. He needed to be strong now, so he never let them drop. And he needed to go once more to the morgue… just to convince himself this was real… Oh, God, how it hurt, just the thought of Sha're in a morgue hurt more than he ever imagined…

This time, he didn't need a wheelchair, because he was totally able to walk. Jack and Teal'c came with him, making sure their friend was going to get through this experience. The colonel understood his wish to go to that horrible place, and, although he knew this wasn't going to make Daniel feel better, he accompanied him.

Not seeing anything else, Daniel entered the morgue slowly. Taking him by the arm, Jack guided the younger man to where a dead body was laid on a metal table, covered with a white sheet.

The archaeologist wasn't realising what was happening to him. But when the material was taken off her face and he saw the beautiful features frozen, and the death-pale skin, reality struck him. Yes, yes, it was real. There was no doubt now. She was death, her corpse exposed in the morgue. He felt a terrible pain in his soul, and had to lean against Jack as the painful memories swirled around his mind. O'Neill made a small sign for the nurse, ordering him to cover the body again, and Daniel felt he couldn't take it anymore. The pain was too deep and too fresh. He wanted to run away and to escape the truth, but he knew that wasn't possible. Sighing, he left for the infirmary again, Jack and Teal'c following him.

"Daniel," Janet said with some tablets in her hand, "these are going to ease your headache. Take one now and one in the morning."

"Are you releasing me?"

"If General Hammond allows, yes. From my medical point of view, you're physically all right. And… well, I don't think you should stay here any longer than needed. General?" Hammond was still there; he had waited with Sam the whole time.

"Very well. Doctor Jackson, you can take some time off. I think you need it."

"Thank you, Sir."

"Ok, Danny-boy, so you're coming home with me."

"No, Jack."

"No, Jack…?"

"Jack, I really need some time… on my on. I have to think about all this and decide what's going to happen with my life. I hope you can understand that."

"I do. But I want you to know we're here in case you want to talk to us."

"Yes, Daniel, we'll be here. We're your friends and we want to help you. If you need us, well, we're here."

"Indeed we are, Daniel Jackson."

"Thanks, guys, but… just not right now."

"Ok."

"Ok. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to get ready for leaving the base."

"As you wish," the Jaffa nodded and exited the chamber.

"Bye for now, Danny," Jack said also, and, followed by Sam, he too left the room.

"Son, I'd like to say you can also talk to me if you want."

"Thank you, Sir."

Hammond stepped out of the infirmary and finally Daniel was alone.

But it was worse. While the others were there, he managed to keep off the horrible thoughts that were hovering in his mind. Now, with the solitude went the memories. She was dead. He couldn't save her. It was all his fault. He'd lost her. Forever. Why? It was all so unfair… It hurt. He wanted her back. Not possible. God! He hated the Goa'uld. How could this be happening? And why?

It felt like his heart had been slowly torn apart by pain, by incredible pain. His soul was screaming at the unfairness of it all. But what could he do? She was lost. He'd never be able to hold her again, and…

He violently shook his head. He couldn't continue thinking about it. He'll think when he got home. There he could grieve and mourn her death properly. But not now, and not here. If he started to cry, he won't be able to stop. So he had to keep fighting away tears. He had too…

Sighing, he looked at the civilian clothes, which were lying on a chair next to his bed. Not allowing himself to fall into a sea of thoughts again, he quickly dressed and left the infirmary, saying good evening to the nurses that were looking at him with pity filled eyes.

Wishing he won't have to meet anyone else, he hurried to the way out of the facility, but his wish didn't came true. Just by the entrance, Jack and Sam were waiting for him, talking to the soldier on duty there.

"Yes, Sir," the young private said, answering to an order he had been given.

"Jack, what are you doing here?"

"Well, we thought you might need some help, and just in case you changed your mind and accepted --"

"Sorry, can't do that. I… need some time on my own. Please understand…"

"We do, Daniel, and we're here for you…"

"I know, Sam. Thanks."

"Ok. But at least let my drive you home."

"Jack, I… don't think it's a good idea."

"Then take a facility car and a driver. I don't want you to drive… after that sleeping pill."

'…and in this condition,' the linguist guessed what the real reason was.

"Ok."

"Ok."

Sam didn't understand how could the colonel let Daniel go just like that. But Jack knew that solitude was just the thing his friend needed more for the moment.

"See you, guys, and thanks for everything," the archaeologist said after another short moment of silence. He turned to the waiting soldier and signed out, preparing to leave. But hardly had he taken ten steps that he heard Sam's voice calling his name. He stopped, but didn't look back.

"Just in case you need anything, give us a call."

Nodding, he exited the corridor, not hearing the short discussion his teammates were having.

"Major. Let him go," Jack had told Sam with a little reproach in his voice. "We'll have all the time in the world to comfort him, but right now he really needs to be alone… with her memory…."

END OF PART FOUR


	5. Immortal Love

PART FIVE:

**Immortal Love**

_NOTES: This fanfiction includes lyrics from the beautiful song 'My Immortal' by Evanescence. I do not own it, only use it for background music and no copyright infringement is intended in any way._

_I strongly recommend listening to the song while reading. I'm aware that this melody might not have been composed at the time **'Forever in a Day' **takes place. Moreover, I know that no radio station aired it in 1999, when I suppose the events in this episode happen. However, since 'My Immortal' was the only song to provide me with exactly the same emotion **'Forever in a Day' **did, I've taken the liberty of using these lyrics, risking to be accused of defying logic and chronology. I'm sorry I had to do this, and if you can't accept it, please think of this fic as kind of AU._

_Also, Sha're's words from **'Forever in a Day' **and Daniel's words from **'Secrets'** are written in italics._

_Many thanks to my wonderful friend Stonedtoad for the beta!_

_

* * *

_

Daniel wanted to get home as fast as possible. He couldn't take it any more. He wanted to sit in his apartment, alone, and be able to cry and mourn without fearing somebody could see him. He just wanted to feel sorry for himself and for his miserable life. But at the moment he had to be strong, to stubbornly fight away the tears which were demanding their rights, and show an impassable face while his soul was tormented by sorrow and loss.

How could he pretend he was feeling all right, when _she_ was gone? Sha're, his wife, his love, his life, his sweet Sha're… was gone forever. Dead. She was gone and it was entirely his fault. And now he could do nothing. Damn, damn, damn!

Again, he wanted to forget his pain for a second and tried to focus on something else. But what could he concentrate on when everything was reminding him of her? When he closed his eyes, _her_ beautiful face was the only thing he could see. When he looked around, everything seemed to turn into _her_. He could see _her_ delicate features everywhere he looked… But the worst thing was that he couldn't remember their pleasant moments, or see her in all her grace and beauty. Instead, he saw her sad, helplessly looking at him as she was falling down, hit by the staff weapon. The memory of the soft look her gorgeous eyes had when she was watching him with so much love was replaced by the repeated image of her eyes closing with death. From all the times she confessed her love for him, only the last one had stayed in his mind, her simple words of love- it had been the very last time he would hear her voice. More than ever, his senses were filled by _her_ perfume and the taste of _her_ kisses was lingering in his mouth. He could feel _her_ tender caress when the bitter autumn wind was touching him and the weak warmth of the setting sun was becoming ­_her_ warmth. He could feel _her_ with all his body, both in his heart and everywhere around.

Strangly enough, he felt that in that moment he loved her more than ever, more than he could imagine he could love her. She was in his mind, in his soul, in his blood. Her presence was contaminating everything like a sweet poison and… he couldn't take it any more. It was driving him crazy…

"Sir? Are you ready?"

At first, Daniel didn't understand he was the one addressed to, so he ignored the voice.

"Dr. Jackson?" the young driver repeated, a little scared by the blank stare in the other man's eyes.

"What?"

"Ready to go, Sir?"

"Ah, yes. Yes. Of course. Let's go."

Absently, the archaeologist got in, sitting on the back seat of the black military car. This way it would be more difficult for the driver to watch him if something happened and he couldn't control his emotions any more… Finally, they set off.

Although the way from Cheyenne Mountain to Colorado Springs wasn't that long, this time, it seemed an eternity to Daniel. The car was creeping just like a snail on the empty road, while he was turning mad trying in vain to resist the pain in his heart. As an ultimate attempt to postpone the ordeal of admitting the truth that it was all over, he was endeavouring to watch the colourful autumn leaves as they were struggling on the grey road. But their sorrow melted into his sorrow. Autumn was killing fallen leaves and her loss was killing his soul…

"Sir?"

The driver's voice interrupted his thoughts and brought him back to reality.

"Mind if I turn on the radio?"

"No. Some music would be great."

'Great'? Daniel was starting to wonder what on earth (or in the Universe) could still be great after her death, when the music filled the car and his empty soul with a bittersweet melancholy. He hasn't ever heard the song, but from the first sound, he felt he recognized it. It felt so well known that it was weird…

Accompanied by a soft piano and some other instruments, a woman with a deep and extremely gentle voice was continuing what Daniel thought to be the first stanza.

… _And if you have to leave,_

_I wish that you would just leave,_

'_Cause your presence still lingers here_

_And it won't leave me alone._

Daniel didn't have the time to be surprised by the resemblance between the lyrics and his thoughts. The song went on, expressing his own feelings in words and music.

_These wounds won't seem to heal,_

_This pain is just too real,_

_There's just too much that time cannot erase._

But that wasn't all. His entire suffering was metaphorically represented in the text of this song. All the pain and loss sensation he felt was mirrored by that sweet voice that could find words to express exactly what was in his heart.

_When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears,_

_When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears_

_And I held your hand through all of these years,_

_But you still have all of me._

And it wasn't only the text. The melody itself seemed to be part of Daniel's soul. He felt that his blood was running in its rhythm, that his heartbeat and breathing were synchronizing with this song…

And than followed the second stanza, its lyrics were making the similitude between his situation and the song deeper and deeper.

_You used to captivate me_

_By your resonating light_

_Now I'm bound by the life you left behind._

_Your face, it haunts my once pleasant dreams_

_Your voice, it chased away all the sanity in me._

God! It was all there, in those words and in that melody. All he felt was there. Pain, incredible pain. Loss, irretrievable loss. Frustration, guilt, helplessness. And love, tremendous love, impossible love.

_These wounds won't seem to heal,_

Again, he couldn't take it any more.

_This pain is just too real,_

It was simply too much…

_There's just too much that time_ _cannot erase._

He felt like he was hypnotized by that soft voice that knew all he was feeling, telling his all pain with her song. A beautiful and tormenting song. The comfort was turning into an ordeal…

_When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears,_

He felt a knot in his throat. The back of his nose was tickled by something… and suddenly… suddenly… salty, warm tears were formed in his eyes.

_When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears_

He furiously wiped them away. He couldn't give up now. He fought tears all this long, and now a… a simple song was doing this to him…

_And I held your hand through all of these years,_

But it wasn't a simple song. No, definitely not. It was his pain focused in an infernally beautiful song.

_But you still have all of me._

He couldn't take it any more.

_I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone,_

No, no, no! Nooooo! It was killing him. He couldn't take it any more…

"Stop it! Make it shut up! Turn it off!"

_But though you're still with--_

"Sir…? You ok?" the young driver asked, shocked by the archaeologist's unexpected reaction. Dr. Jackson hadn't said a word all the way, and now he was suddenly yelling at him to turn off the radio…

"Thank you. I'm sorry for… You know, I… Never mind."

Worried, the man looked in the mirror and didn't like what he saw. The scientist was staring over the window again. Not knowing what to think about it, he sighed and continued to drive in silence…

When they were at last in front of Daniel's apartment building, the car stopped. But the man didn't seem to notice he was home. His eyes, extremely brilliant with tears, were fixed on a point on the sky, and he was the only one to see _her_ image there. Smiling a sorrowful smile, Sha're was tenderly looking at her husband, while she was murmuring the same lyrics that had driven him mad…

Realizing he was getting nuts, Daniel shook his head violently and told himself he was hallucinating. After all, it could be an after effect of the ribbon-device…

"Dr. Jackson, we're here. Is there where you live, right?"

The other man brought him to reality again. He was home. He only had to take some steps and the elevator and he would he in his bedroom… Finally…

"Umm… yeah. Ah. Sorry. Err…" were the only things he managed to say while he was getting out of the car.

"Sir, are you all right?"

"I'll be fine, thanks."

"Are you sure you don't need help… or anything, Sir?"

"It's fine. Thank you. I'll be all right," the linguist said, asking himself whether he was lying or he really was going to be all right… eventually.

"If you say so, Sir… Goodbye, doctor, and… try to rest…" the driver advised him and left, taking the car back to the SGC.

'Poor guy,' the soldier thought 'he really needs some time off… Wonder what happened to him… He looked so normal until this morning…'

Meanwhile, Daniel had entered his apartment building and was cursing the elevator for not coming in due time. He felt that now he couldn't fight away tears any more. They were too strong. He had to get home as fast as possible. And the damn elevator wasn't coming…

When in the end it came, the man entered and was pleased to notice he was alone. Good. He pressed the button to the eighth floor and waited to reach his home. But it was moving so slowly…

Again and again, Daniel's mind was tormented. This time it wasn't just Sha're's memory, or just the song. This time, it a mixture of these.

…_Your presence still lingers here…_

She was looking at him. So sad…

…_Your face, it haunts my once pleasant dreams…_

"_I love you Dan'iel…."_

…_Your voice, it chased away all the sanity in me…_

God, it hurt!

…_This pain is just too real…_

Will he ever be 'fine' again?

…_These wounds won't seem to heal…_

Will he ever be able to forget?

…_There's just too much that time cannot erase…_

But he didn't want to forget.

…_I'm bound by the life you left behind…_

He still loved her. Always will.

…_You still have all of me…_

But it hurt. Memories hurt.

…_Wish that you would just leave…_

And _she_ was there. He could feel her…

…_It won't leave me alone…_

But it couldn't be. She was dead.

…_I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone…_

God! Gone! Dead! Forever. It was all over. He lost her. And it hurt. God, how it hurt! She was gone… His sweet Sha're was gone…

In that moment, the elevator's doors opened. A few more steps and he would be _home_. Daniel didn't stop to think that no house in the world could be called 'home' for him without Sha're. He banished the thought, for it was too painful in itself. Instead, he concentrated in finding his keys. Managing in doing it, he opened the door and there he was. Home. At last.

Getting in, he closed the door again and locked it. He really didn't want company…

He hurried towards his bedroom, but stopped in front of the closed door. This was real. He couldn't possibly…

He nodded and abruptly opened the door. He didn't find himself on the planet where Amaunet tried to kill him, as he was afraid he would. No. This wasn't a dream. He was just in his bedroom. A huge double bed was waiting for him as usually. Of course, when he moved in he had the hope of finding her… of saving her… they would need a double bed…

And now… it was over. She won't be sleeping in that bed. He won't wake up to find her beside him. He won't hold her or sleep having her in his arms. He won't be getting good night kisses from her. He won't watch her sleeping, won't hear her calm breathing, and won't see a sweet smile on her dreaming face… Won't ever caress her soft body, won't hear her gentle voice whispering love into his ear, won't breath her aroma, won't taste her lips… He won't have her again, won't ever give himself to her… Never, never again. He won't ever be able to 'spoil' her a little: no breakfast in bed, no massage, not even a pillow fight…

Heavily, his fist hit the wall. He slammed the door with anger and then turned around to face the bed once more.

_These wounds won't seem to heal,_

_This pain is just too real,_

_There's just too much that time cannot erase._

Again, tears were formed in his bright blue eyes. Big, hot, bitter tears. But this time he wasn't fighting them away. He wasn't resisting. He finally allowed them to fall down.

Slowly at first, then violently, his tears fell and fell and fell. He crumbled to his knees and, leaning against the bed that he won't ever share with the only woman he loved, he wept like a baby. Bursts of tears were shaking his weakened body. He was trembling with tiredness, trembling with fury, trembling with pain. Tear after tear, his suffering was being washed away little by little. But the suffering was enormous. And the suffering was more powerful than his tears were. So a large part of it remained, torturing his soul further on.

He was crying. Crying for her death, her loss, her tragic end. Crying his pain, his despair, his hopeless future. Crying for the wrong turn things had taken. Crying for the hopes that had become vanities. Crying for the fallen leaves of his soul. Crying for their love, for their great love, for their death love.

But that wasn't true.

"_I love you, Dan'iel,"_ he heard again in his heart, re-seeing her closing eyes.

Their love wasn't dead.

"_I love you. I will always love you. You understand? The Goa'uld will never be able to take that away from us. Do you understand me? Never."_

He said it himself. He told her that when her child was born. She believed him. He believed what he was saying. It was the truth. No one could steal their love. Not even the Goa'uld, not even a staff blast. Not even death.

No, death could steal _her_ from him; death could steal his sanity, his desire to live, even his hope, but not their love. Their love was more powerful then death. Their love was beyond death. Their love was immortal.

Bitterly smiling to this thought and to her memory, Daniel stood up. His tears were continuously falling down, this time calmly. He looked over the window and saw a wide, dark sky, with a handful of stars scattered on it. He must have been crying for a long time now, since it was night.

He felt so sleepy… so weak… so tired…

He sighed hardly and ran a hand over his wet eyes. He got into the bad and sadly smiled again. Yes, she was… gone. But he still had something to hold on to. He still had their love. The eternal love that had united them and that was still uniting them, beyond death. Their immortal love.

And while sleep was slowly embracing him, Daniel heard her voice again. He heard it in his heart, in the place where she would linger forever.

"That's right, my Dan'iel. I'm here. My spirit lives through you and through the love that you still have for me. And our love… is immortal."

END OF PART FIVE

* * *

_This was my first song fic, but there will probably be more. I love feedback of any kind, so if you read this, please take a moment to leave a review. Thanks!_


	6. Res Quae Numquam Fuit

PART SIX:

**Res quae Numquam Fuit**

_NOTES: Many thanks to Stonedtoad for the beta._

_The title is in Latin and means 'a thing that never existed'. Ok, I know this will be very unusual, but I hope you like it. French words are in italics. Also, I have to admit that the last words, also italicised, are a paraphrase of the final verse from Milton's XXIII Sonnet. Well, maybe not a real paraphrase, I just changed the subject, from 'I' to 'he'… Anyway, enjoy!_

_ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo_

He was alone in a white-painted room. Though… he couldn't be sure where he actually was… Maybe a huge hall or some kind of chamber… But why was it so white? And why couldn't he see the walls or the ceiling? Strange, very strange.

The only sound he could hear was the empty echo of his own steps. And he was alone. More than physically, he _felt_ alone. Loneliness was something psychological this time. He was alone in his soul. His heart was empty, deserted. There was only a great pain, heavily weighing on him.

He took a couple of steps more, listening to their sound. He was instinctively looking for something… for _someone_… but he couldn't remember what or whom. He was sure he'd find what he was seeking… But what _was_ he looking for…?

"My Dan'iel…."

The voice thrilled him. It was _her_ voice. The voice he thought he'd never be able to hear again. And then he suddenly remembered: _she_ was the one whom he was seeking. He'd felt so alone because _she_ hadn't been with him. Turning around, he wasn't surprised to see her there.

"Sha're!"

"Yes, husband," she said softly, smiling to him.

"You're here…" he murmured uncertainly, taking her face in his hands and looking into her eyes with all the love he felt. And she was so real; he could touch her skin, and caress her cheeks… "You're truly here, are you?"

"I am, my Dan'iel," she whispered warmly, then their mouths searched for one another, their lips joining in a passionate kiss.

ooo

When Daniel opened his eyes and looked around, he saw sand. Dunes, huge, golden sand dunes; a desert. Again, he had no idea where they actually were, but the important thing was they were together. She was with him, standing in his arms as she used to, while he was holding her close to him, fearing that they would be estranged once again. Maybe she held the key to all the strange events that were happening…

"Sha're, where are we?"

"On Abydos, my love," she answered calmly, as if it was an obvious fact.

"What? Abydos? W-w-wait a minute. We can't be on Abydos. That's not possible. We…"

"It's not what you think," she said sadly, freeing herself from his embrace and looking away.

"What do you mean?" He followed her and sat down in the sand beside her. From where they were sitting, on top of a dune, a dream-like panorama was offered to their eyes. The red sunset light seemed to turn the desert into pure gold.

"Hear me, Dan'iel," she told him, looking straight at him. "When… Amaunet tried to kill you… I knew I had to stop her from harming you. I couldn't stand feeling my own hand producing pain to you. I simply couldn't. So I… made an effort… and took control over the ribbon device."

Daniel, who was attentively listening to what his wife had to say, put a hand over her shoulders and pulled her closer. She settled in his arms and continued to speak.

"It was then when I realized our minds were somehow… connected. I had to send you a message, and there it was, the way to do it."

While she was talking, Daniel could not believe what was happening to him. An hour ago he had been so disoriented and he had been sure that he wouldn't meet her again… And yet here they were together, in the middle of the Abydonian desert. He was holding her, breathing her perfume, feeling the warmth of her body… and listening to the explanation he needed so much.

"I had three things to do: convince you to forgive Teal'c, make you promise you would find the boy… and to say goodbye."

Daniel looked at her and started to understand. She managed to do the first two things through the vision she had given him when he was trapped in the clutches of Amaunet's ribbon device. As for the third one…

"I didn't have the time to complete all these, so in the last fractions of second, I kind of… downloaded something into your brain." She didn't stop at his puzzled look, yet couldn't help but smile at her husband's expression. "A dream; this dream. I programmed it to unfold when you would be prepared to receive it. You are prepared now, my Dan'iel," she added, rising to her feet and turning as to face him. He, too, rose and looked at her.

"Consider it a gift. A farewell gift." Her hazel eyes were shining with tears. "We have tonight. A single night to live all we couldn't really live. What time reality did not allow us to enjoy, we will spend tonight. I took some of your fantasies concerning us, combined them with my own dreams and made them possible using Goa'uld technology. I think your friend Samantha would call it a 'virtual reality'. Personally, I do not have the needed knowledge to understand it completely. But you can talk to Major Carter and Teal'c, and together I am sure you will find some of the answers."

"So… it's not real after all."

"Some philosophers considered reality to be subjective."

"Where did you know that from?" This time, Daniel was shocked to hear his wife speaking like that.

"When our minds were connected, I had access to all your knowledge. I am sorry I had to dig up your memories, but I had to do it in order to create this."

"My love, I'd give up all my memories in turn for having you here…."

"I am here. Tonight, you can have me once more. You lived weeks in a matter of seconds. Now, together, we will live in a night the eternity that our love deserved."

Daniel looked at his wife with concern. She was right in front of him, yet she wasn't. All he was living was actually a dream…

"So, I'm really home, sleeping, and you're…."

"… Dead. Yes."

"But you're here."

"Yes. My Dan'iel, we only have this night. Let's not spend it like this. We have an eternity to live, remember?"

"But…."

"Shhhh," she whispered, her index finger sealing his lips with a caress. Daniel kissed the finger and looked curiously at her. "Not now, husband. You'll have the rest of your life to search for answers. But not tonight. Tonight is _our_ night."

ooo

When she said that, Daniel could actually see the desert background morphing into… a forest.

"Ok. One more question. Where are we _now_? Sha're? Where'd you go?" She had just disappeared behind the trees. "Fine, I got it," he said with a falsely upset tone. "You wanna play hide and seek, fine. But I'm gonna find you. Yep."

Daniel smiled. His sweet Sha're surely had her moments of childishness… But, strangly enough, he, too, felt like a teenager. He could feel the enthusiasm, the confidence and the ambition he felt back then. The world was his again, he felt young, and strong, and happy. Then he remembered he had spent almost his entire adolescence like, to use one of Jack's favourite words, a geek. Libraries, books, school, artefacts, encyclopaedias, Egypt, languages, crazy theories… He had been a real bookworm and he admitted it. Now Sha're was giving him another chance…

"Ok. Where are you? I'll catch you, you know… Sha're!"

He took a moment to admire the environment, which was extraordinary beautiful as well. They were in the woods, surrounded by century-old oak trees, ferns, and other forest vegetation. The murmur of a nearby spring was filling the air with its musicality, seeming to tell a story. A love story. Their love story. And the same story was softly narrated by the moving emerald grass, by the wind that was slowly blowing through the branches, by the magical sounds of nature in all its forms. They all were telling the story. And now, he was living it.

He continued his search and finally he caught a glimpse of her. He ran towards there, but she had changed her location again.

"I saw you, Sha're. I know you're here, somewhere…"

In that moment, he heard her giggling behind the same tree he was leaning against. With a single move, he turned, caught her in his arms, and laid her down in the soft bed of ferns and moss.

"You found me. Now what?" Sha're asked innocently, while her husband, who had lain on top her, was laughing happily.

"Now, my lovely Sha're," he told her watching the beauty of her smile, "we kiss. And then we'll see."

He leant closer, but she interrupted him.

"Wait. Listen."

"What?"

"Birds. Singing. Singing for us, my love. Tonight, the world is ours…"

Daniel was pleased to notice she felt the same. Smiling, he kissed her gently.

ooo

When finally the French kiss ended, he wasn't surprised to find himself in a different place. And speaking of France…

"Are we in… Paris?" he asked unbelieving his eyes. Well, the Eiffel Tour was there, right in front of him…

Sha're smiled sweetly and, pointing the monumental construction with her eyes, she invited:

"Let's go! Tonight, we can do anything."

In no time, they were 300 meters above, sitting at a table in a very elegant restaurant. They were both wearing evening clothes, and she looked extremely sexy in a black, tight fitting dress and high heels. With difficulty taking his eyes off her, Daniel made a mental note to find out whether such a café really existed within the Eiffel Tour.

They were just looking into each other's eyes silently, while a soft _chanson d'amour _was played only for them…

"Umm…champagne…?" he finally offered, and when she agreed with a small nod, he filled the crystal glasses from the table.

"_À toi,_" he proposed a toast.

"_À nous,_" she corrected.

Each of them took a sip. Then Daniel had an idea. He held out his hand for her and they stood up and walked to the enormous window. The whole Paris could be seen from there. And it's useless to say how romantic it was…

"So, I guess I have to say it in French."

"Say what?"

"_Je t'aime…_"

Sha're put her head on his shoulder. Holding hands, they admired the many lights shining in the night. The City of Lights was at their feet. And so was the world.

ooo

Curious what it would be now, Daniel examined the new landscape. This time, it was winter, and they were in some kind of park. Everywhere around, snow had covered the earth with its pureness. Everything was white. Big, bright, silvery flakes were slowly falling from an incredibly white sky. The leafless ornamental trees seemed to have blossomed again, in icy flowers of snow. And all this magical view was for them only…

"My Dan'iel, it is beautiful. You were right. Winter really is wonderful. So… is this the 'snow' you were telling me about?"

He smiled at her question.

"Yep. That's snow. Fresh fluffy snow. Perfect for-- "

Not letting him finish his sentence, Sha're tenderly took off his glasses and put them in the pocket of his jacket.

"… A snow fight. Why did you do that for?"

She didn't answer, and instead bent to take a handful of snow.

"Because I wanted to do this!" she finally said, throwing snow directly into his face.

"You're going to pay for this," he laughed happily. "Revenge!" he shouted, while she was running away as fast as she could.

Arming himself with a huge snowball, he followed her, in search for his 'terrible vengeance'.

Sha're was trying to get away from his path. Daniel was faster then her, and had the advantage of having walked through snow before. Her feet were held back, and her fleeing was being slowed down. Daniel had already begun to bomb her with cold missiles of soft snow. The snowballs were gently hitting her one after the other.

She stopped. And Daniel was not surprised to feel her response…

The real snow fight started. Each of them was throwing snowballs at the other, and they were both joyfully laughing. And, thank God, there wasn't anyone around to see them…

Daniel wasn't aiming her head, but Sha're, who didn't know this general agreement between people who played with snow, fixed her target on his face. When finally one of her hits was exact, she had to flee once more.

After wiping his face from snow, he ran towards her again, and this time he managed to catch her. Deliberately forgetting he was a gentleman, he then stuffed a lot of soft snow over her face. But she didn't give up. Struggling in his arms, she succeeded in freeing herself, but before she could fling another snowball at her husband, he had pushed them both into the thick snow. Together, they playfully rolled over, destroying the perfection of the untouched snow.

When their game eventually stopped, Daniel, lying exhausted looked at the woman under him. She seemed nicer then ever, her skin being reddened by cold, and her curly hair wet and full of snow. She was breathing hard because of the effort she, too, had made, and her moth was producing vapours. He softly kissed her almost frozen lips.

"I love you, Sha're."

"I love you too, my Dan'iel," she answered and pulled him closer, kissing him back.

ooo

He was expecting too see another change in the milieu, but this time, it wasn't a major one. They were both in a wooden cottage, and, over the window, one could see the same park in which they played before. Now it was night, but the snowflakes were still slowly falling.

He stepped to where his wife was sitting in front of the fireplace. He set down on the soft carpet, by her side, giving her one of the small cups he was holding.

"Here. Take this. I think it's going to help. I really don't want you catching a cold…" Sha're examined the hot flavoured drink.

"What is this, husband?" she asked looking into her cup.

"Mulled wine with cinnamon. Try it," Daniel advised her, taking a sip.

"It does taste wonderful," she decided, after tasting the liquid.

He looked at her again and tried to see the sweet smile on her lips. It was rather dark, as the light from the fire and from the perfumed candles that were filling the room was not enough. But this way the atmosphere was more romantic and mysterious.

She laid down her empty cup and reached for him. They embraced lovingly, letting their passion rule.

From the fireplace, golden flames were throwing shadows over them, while outside huge snowflakes continued to fall.

ooo

Daniel examined the new landscape. It was an immense hall, full of neoclassical decorations. The marble floor, elegant in its pale colours that formed a simple pattern, and the lack of furniture indicated the room could be some kind of dance hall. The light from the enormous candelabrum was making the golden bas-reliefs, which were adorning the ceiling and the upper part of the white painted walls, glittering with a magnificent brilliance. Everything was extremely sumptuous and, he, himself, fitted the atmosphere. Amazingly, he was wearing a black tuxedo…

Slowly, the absolute silence was replaced by the well-known accords of Strauss' _Blue Danube. _The sweet music charmed him, so he tried to take some steps, and found, even more amazingly, he could dance perfectly …

Glad he had discovered a new skill, he approached the stairs that were coming down from another level, and waited for Sha're to appear. In a few seconds, he could see her standing at the stair-head, smiling at him and starting to descend slowly. Daniel contemplated both her natural beauty and the wonderful ball dress she wore, with a bright heart shaped beige top and a very flowing skirt. Her dark brown locks were arranged in a sophisticated hairdo, and the subtle makeup was just emphasizing her pleasant features.

Captivated, he offered her his hand and could only whisper:

"May I have the honour of this dance?"

"You may, my love," she answered, accepting his invitation. Her husband looked truly handsome as well…

Putting her gloved hand in his, she smiled softly and they started to waltz. The magical music was captivating them both. Irreproachably synchronized, their moves seemed to be more than a simple dance. Their body language talking about the tremendous love they were feeling and about the happiness that was filling their souls. Hearts trembling, they continued to fly on the wings of rhythm, abandoning themselves completely to the music and to each other.

ooo

Like usual, the background had changed once more. Now they were at some kind of farm and, sitting in the fresh smelling hay and holding each other, they could watch a splendid show: right in front of their eyes, a dozen wild horses were running together in an enclosure. Under their hoofs, the earth was bustling and shaking, raising clouds of dust. Restless, strong, and balky, the beautiful animals were snorting and neighing, prancing from time to time and making their long manes wave in the wind.

"Again, it is beautiful, my Dan'iel."

"Yes, it is, but not as beautiful as you are, my sweet Sha're," he said softly, kissing the back of her neck. She turned to face him and smiled at his compliment.

"Come," the woman said confident, "we have a ride to do."

"We have…?" he repeated uncertainly, but before he could say more, they were both on the saddles of two gorgeous black horses, a lot more obedient than the ones they had seen the last time.

They spurred the horses and galloped towards happiness. They were free, young, restless, and wild like the animals they were riding.

"I love you, Sha're, I love you so much…" Daniel told her loudly, hoping that the entire world would hear him. He wanted to scream that is was all so wonderful, that he was with the woman he adored, and that his heart was ready to explode with joy. But he didn't need to do it. The universe was theirs and their love was the only thing that still mattered.

ooo

Again, Daniel found himself in a different place. This time it was a small tent, the flimsy violet cloths letting a pale light pass through them. He was sitting on some silk bolsters and, to his surprise, he was wearing some… odd… blue… Arabian… costume…

"Now, that's strange," he murmured, puzzled by the unexpected situation, his amazement only enhanced when Sha're appeared from behind a drapery. She, too, was dressed accordingly to the exotic location, like a woman from a Turkish or Arabian harem, the bright red oriental attire giving more sensuality to her look.

She stopped right in front of him and, slowly, she let fall the veil that was covering her face. Her body began to move voluptuously, dancing in the rhythm of a melody only the two of them could hear. Out of nowhere, it started to rain rose petals over them. Daniel could not believe his eyes, but he soon had to believe his senses, when she embraced him and captured his mouth in hot kisses…

When their lips came apart, she sat down, arranging his head on her knees.

"Tell me a story, Sheherazade," he pleaded softly, the ambient making him compare his wife with the famous storyteller.

"I cannot, my sultan," she answered looking in his eyes, "for tonight there is a single story, and we are living it now."

ooo

Once more, another set was offered to their view, an extremely amazing one as well. They were in a cave. The natural splendour with its yellowish and orange limestone relief could match all beauties they had ever seen. Slender stalactites were descending from the high ceiling, while sharp stalagmites were trying to rise from the ground. The geological wonder was fascinating them by its endless variety of shapes and colours. And they were together, admiring the fantastic décor and enjoying each other's presence.

"Wow! This is… this is… unbelievable…!"

Sha're couldn't find any other words to describe the impressive scenery, so she decided to remain quiet, lightly putting her arms around his neck. Daniel hugged her back, and gently whispered in her ear:

"Thank you. Thank you for all these wonderful places, for all we're living… Thank you for being here."

His words seemed to have a terrible effect on her. She violently freed herself from his embrace and looked away from him.

"I am sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you…"

"What are you talking about?"

Since no answer came, he took her hand in his and continued. "Sha're, love, what's happening? What's wrong?"

"Everything is wrong," she sad sadly, and their eyes met again. "This is coming to an end. Our little eternity is about to end. It is only a dream. And you will soon wake up…"

"What?"

"I'm sorry…."

With her words blew a cold wind, bringing golden fallen leaves. Right in front of Daniel's eyes, the background changed again, abruptly turning into a seascape.

ooo

She sighed heavily. Hand in hand, they were walking across the shore, the cold salty water caressing their bare feet, ready to wet the rolled up pants. An overwhelming smell of salt and algae was filling the air. They were completely alone on the deserted beach, and it was rather chilly.

Looking at the far-off horizon, Sha're could only whisper quietly, her voice starting to break:

"The… the sun is going to rise…"

"And…."

"And it will all be over, Dan'iel!" she almost shouted, sitting down in the sand with her feet still in the water.

A lonely seagull crossed the dark sky, and its desperate cry thrilled them as if it was prophesying a near calamity.

"Maybe," the man said, trying hardly to ignore the bird. "But we still have some time until sunrise. Let's spend it together."

She moved her view towards her husband, who was now sitting beside her, tensely watching the movement of waves.

"All right. We will live every second to the full. So…" she switched to another subject, "this is the 'sea'… I have never seen so much water before. The sand reminds me of home, but the water…"

"Yeah." He, too, sighed. "Come, Sha're," Daniel said in a happier tone, standing. "We'll play."

"Play?" a small smile started to blossom on her lips, as she accepted the hand he was holding out to help her rise.

"Yes, my beautiful wife, we'll play. We'll build a sandcastle."

His idea was reworded with a long, deep kiss. Although there was no one there to see them, Daniel flushed a little when they finally parted. Sha're simply smiled, and he ran a hand through his hair before speaking again.

"Ok. Here's what we'll do. Since we have no special tools, we'll have to use our hands. Umm…" he murmured slowly while taking some steps in search for a suitable place, "we need… That's it!" he suddenly yelled enthusiastically, finding what he was looking for a place where the sand was extremely wet, but where the waves were further away. He looked back at his wife and her kind eyes made him forget the sad truth. Diving again in the pleasant illusion of having all the time in the world, he decided to enjoy the rest of their little fleeting eternity.

Getting his hand into the sticky surface, Daniel took a handful of wet sand and slowly let it slip through his fingers. Sha're approached him, amazed.

"That is… incredible!"

"Why? It's just sand," he laughed, making her a sign to come closer. "It's easy. All you have to do is let the sand trickle down, like this. Want to try?"

Under Daniel's hands, the castle had begun to take shape. The small drops of wet sand were consolidating and they seemed to form the beginning of a miniature building.

Sha're took some sand in her hand and gently let it fall down, creating new shapes.

"Like this?"

"Yes, that's perfect. Now, let's make a tower."

She looked at him, not understanding. "How?"

"By focusing the building material in a certain part. Hope it works…"

They both started to sprinkle wet sand, exchanging glances, smiling, and occasionally sharing brief kisses. Their castle had reached a foot high, when Sha're stopped to admire their work.

"My Dan'iel, it looks great!"

He arranged the last drop of sand, than stood up to looked at their masterpiece.

"You're right. It's really nice."

She laughed happily and embraced him; careful not to stain the white shirt he was wearing with wet sand.

"If you want a real hug, I'll say we should wash our hands…."

Daniel followed her into the ocean in order to clean. When all the sand was gone, he picked up a piece of shell and drew a huge heart on the beach.

"I love you," he said, as she was jumping at him.

"And I love you too."

He lifted her up in his arms and quickly spun around. When they stopped, dizziness made them fall together in the soft sand.

"Oh, Sha're… it's so beautiful…"

"Yes, my Dan'iel, it is. I love you."

She caressed his face, but suddenly a dark shadow crossed her eyes. She got up as fast as she could, not allowing him to see the moisture that was collecting in her big brown eyes. She was walking towards the sea, when she felt his hand on her shoulder.

He turned her around and pulled her in his arms. Her face was showing a hopeless expression, and she seemed so vulnerable, that it scared him. He only wanted to hold her and assure her everything would be all right. But would it?

"It is almost sunrise, Dan'iel."

"I know."

She raised tearful eyes to him. Her husband leaned down and caught her mouth with his lips. A passionate kiss, a kind of kiss they never shared before, started. No matter how much passion was in them, all their kisses had been sweet and gentle. This one was desperate. Both of them knew they would be torn apart very soon, and both of them tried to prevent it. This was their only way to do it: endeavouring to melt into each other, to squeeze each other and become one. Daniel was keeping her very close to him, heavily pressing his body onto hers in an effort to feel her with every cell of his being, through the thin clothes they were wearing. He was going to loose her again. And he could do nothing to stop it…

A violent sound caught their attention, making their kiss end. A huge wave had hit the shore, instantly breaking their sandcastle into pieces. They watched helpless as their work was destroyed. Sha're pushed herself even closer in his arms, while he whispered in a sorrowful voice:

"I don't want to loose you, my love…."

On the red horizon, a bright sun appeared. The last thing Daniel could see before the dreamscape changed again was the heart he had drawn in the sand.

ooo

Again, Daniel found himself in the white room in which all this started. This time, he wasn't alone; his wife was with him, and they were on some kind of sofa. Sha're was sitting on his knees, her head resting on his chest, as his arms were holding her tight, protectively wrapped around her. This time he was the one to feel frail and powerless. It was over. He would soon wake up in his bed, only to find himself alone and realize all the happiness he lived was just a pleasant dream…

"So this is it," he finally said after a long silence.

"Yes, my love," she whispered, listening to his heartbeat. "Please," she went on in a more determinate voice, "do not forget what you had learned in these two visions."

"To forgive Teal'c for… killing you," Daniel said, the last words hurting unimaginably.

"Yes. He is a good man and a strong warrior. I am glad that you can understand it," she told him looking again into his clear blue eyes. "In time, your hate will disappear completely. You are a kind man, husband. You can forgive."

"I'll try."

"I trust you will succeed." She stopped for a second before saying: "And there is the promise you made to me."

"To find the boy and keep him safe." He nodded, his eyes fixed into hers.

"You are the only one able to do it." Voice breaking, she looked away. "Please, do not hate the child for… what happened between Apophis and me…."

"Love, we've been through this before, remember? When the baby was born." He, too, remembered. It wasn't her fault for having a child with another man. He could understand that. "You know there's nothing to forgive," he continued, "You're not responsible for what Amaunet did with your body."

"I am not, yet I am asking you to seek a child that is not yours. I imagine how it feels."

"Sha're, look at me." When she finally did, he used his most convincing tone to assure her he was telling the truth. "I'll do whatever is needed to find your child. And when I find him, I'll make sure he's safe. I won't let anybody harm him. God, I saw him being born, I was the first one to hold him. The blood of his birth was on my hands. Literally." He stopped, letting her acknowledge his words. "Sha're, I'll love this child as my own. He might not be mine physically, but I promise I'll love him like a father."

"Thank you," was the only thing she could say after listening attentively to what he had to say. She trusted him and believed in him, Daniel could feel it. She closed her eyes, as he lightly kissed her forehead.

"You know, I had the opportunity of speaking to his biological father. The poor man was a host for thousands of years. I don't think he ever remembered having a son. So I can't possibly hate the child for who he is."

Although kind, his words had made her look down again. He gently placed two fingers under her chin and slowly lifted her head.

"I'll find him, love. I really will," he said softly and watched her smile before their lips joined in another sweet kiss.

"And the third thing: I love you, Dan'iel. I love you with all my heart. I wish I could have made you happy, and be a good wife, and be there for you. But I could not. I am sorry."

"Oh, Sha're… my sweet Sha're…" he whispered, his eyes wet with tears. "You did make me happy; the year we spent together was the best in my life. You were a perfect wife, and you were always there. Until…" His voice was cut off, as his tears began to fall down. Though she was crying herself, Sha're kissed his wet cheeks, tasting the salt. He remembered another night when she had kissed away his tears, and the regret of loosing her was greater then ever. "It… it was my fault you were taken. I couldn't protect you. I couldn't save you. It's all my fault."

"No, my Dan'iel, it is not you who is guilty," she told him, wiping away the bright tears from his sad eyes. "And maybe… it is better this way…."

"What do you mean?"

"My love," she said, a sorrowful half smile on her lips, "this way you'll have pleasant memories about us. _I_ will be a pleasant memory. I will never get old or unattractive--"

"W-w-w-wait a minute. You can't be unattractive, no matter what!"

"You cannot know how would I have looked like in many years," she really smiled as she was teasing him.

"No, no, no. That's impossible. You are beautiful, the most beautiful woman I know."

"But time could have-- "

"Sha're, I'd love you anyway," he interrupted her again, not letting her finish her theory. Daniel didn't believe his lovely wife could turn ugly. It was a crazy idea! Plus, her shocking beauty had been only one of the many things that made him fall in love with her…

"Fine. Than think of how our relationship could have gotten worse. There could have been quarrels, or even--"

He cut her off by a short kiss.

"I understand what you want to say. But do you really believe there could be other things between us, except for love, caring, understanding, tenderness?"

"Honestly, no." The huge affection in the puppy eyes he had for the time being didn't allow any other answer. After another smile, she had another thing to remind him of. "And then there's Skaara. Please, Dan'iel, you have to rescue him. He is still out there somewhere. Please find him and save my little brother."

"Of course. I never gave up looking for him, and never will. And Jack's really trying to find him too."

"I hope you will manage in saving him. There has to be a way. It was not for me, but I hope it will be for him."

"Oh, Sha're… I'm so sorry, so sorry… I failed you. I couldn't save you, love. Forgive me."

"Again, there is nothing to forgive. You did not fail me, my Dan'iel. I am proud of you. Never think that it would have been better if you never opened the Chappa'ai. If you hadn't done it, my people would have never been free… and I would have never met you. Our year together was the most incredible thing that could happen to me, my Dan'iel. Even after all that's happened, I don't regret anything. The times we had together compensate everything. Think that way. I know you will suffer from loosing me, but you have to go on with your life. You need to."

"To find your baby and Skaara, yes, I know."

"Not only for these, husband."

"And to fight the Goa'uld and have revenge."

"Do not take it as a private revenge, love. You have to destroy these demons for saving the millions of innocents who are hurt by them. For setting free the millions of slaves, who suffer the oppression of these false gods." She settled better in his arms, while she carried on her pleading. "Moreover, you have to continue to travel through the Chappa'ai because it is your passion. I know you love to make discoveries, to contact new civilizations, to meet new people, to solve new mythological mysteries, to learn new languages… to be the same enthusiastic scholar that charmed me with his intelligence and knowledge. The only way of failing me would be to let die within you the man that made me fall in love with him. That man is strong; he had faced and defeated a god. And that man could pass through this. Travel among the stars, my love! It is your destiny. Fulfil it."

He smiled. "But it's so hard without you…."

"Dan'iel, you have your friends. They love you and would do anything for you. They care as much as I did. You are important to them and to your world. They need you. And you need them."

He nodded, thinking of how unfair he was when he behaved the way he did, not letting them help him.

"Talk with them, Dan'iel. Your team will be there for you. They are good people. I know it from your memories, the ones I had to dig up to create this dream. O'Neill, Samantha and Teal'c will understand you. They can give you the comfort you need."

"The only comfort I need is here, in your arms," he said warmly, pulling her close.

"But now you belong with them. Your friends and your work will eventually bring you through, I am sure. You will be all right without me."

"Can't you at least make this dream last?"

"No, my husband, I cannot and I will not. I only produced a vision using the hand-device; I have no way of controlling reality. And even if I could, I would not do it. Your life must go on. Hold on to the love you still feel for me, but go on with your life, together with your friends."

Daniel pulled her even closer in his arms and buried his face in her thick black hair, smelling her perfume. He would miss her so much… he would miss talking to her like that…

"I love you, Sha're, and I'll always love you, no matter what. And it's so unfair…"

"No, my Dan'iel. You are wrong," she told her, moving to face him. "Think of how happy we were together. In our short life as a couple, we lived more happiness than some people live in a life. Think of the thousands of men and women who never find out what true love is. Who never taste the bliss of being with a person that really loves them her from the bottom of the heart, as we loved each other. There are so many souls that long for just a moment in the arms of the one they want, but their love remains hopeless and unshared… But we… we had each other and we were the happiest people in the universe. It was only for a short time, I do know that, but be were given the chance of living what others never live. Our year of marriage provided so many pleasant memories… You will be able to find comfort in those too."

Her husband looked at her and gently stroke her hair. She was right. They had been the happiest people in the world. But he knew that when he would wake up, the same world that had made him so happy three years before would make him feel as if he was the most miserable man in the universe. The world didn't seem right without her. _She_ had made him happy, and now, when she was going to leave forever, his tragedy was becoming increasingly obvious.

"My husband, I do not want to leave you either, but I have no other choice. Please, remember all I have told you, and talk to your friends. They will understand. Tell them about the pleasant moments we had together. It will help you pass through this. And do not forget I love you…"

"So it's goodbye now…" he sighed.

"No, it is not. Not a definitive goodbye. Not _adieu_."

"As in…?" Again, he didn't know what she wanted to say.

"We will meet again, husband."

"You mean… in an afterlife…?" he asked her reluctantly, while she looked at him confidently.

"Yes."

Daniel smiled. Ancient Egyptians, therefore also Abydonians, believed in immortality. Most of the mythologies and religions he studied believed. But him? Seldom had he asked himself what did he truly believe, and usually he had found no answer. But the confident light in her eyes gave him faith. He knew it. He felt it. He was sure this was not the end. He would meet her again. Death was not the end. It was not completely over. There was another hope. Her eyes told him that. And he believed in her.

"No, this is not the end. A love like ours cannot be defeated." She leaned over him, looking for his lips. Slowly and very delicately, she simply touched them with hers, as tears were once more formed in her eyes.

"I love you, my Dan'iel," she whispered, releasing the embrace. Daniel didn't want to let her go yet she slipped away from his arms. Standing, she held his hand and looked at his tearful eyes as he, too, stood up. It was just the two of them, face to face, smiling sorrowful farewell smiles in an empty white room. The sofa they had shared moments ago disappeared. The room was simply too large, too white and too empty.

She smiled to him. A second was enough for him to remember their entire little eternity. He was grateful for having lived it, although it had been just a dream. Looking at the woman he loved so much, he felt it was time to say goodbye. But 'goodbye' was too much. He couldn't say goodbye. But he had to. Then he remembered their imaginary trip to Paris.

"_Au revoir, mon amour_," he whispered, as she was turning translucent. Her shining hand was still in his, but he couldn't feel it any more. Slowly, she began to move, as if something was drawing her away from him. He could see bright tears in her eyes, while she was faring away, and he could do nothing. With a last bitter smile, she was gone. Loneliness struck him again.

Daniel opened his eyes. As he looked around only to see his bedroom, the magical reminders of he dream were devoured by the intense morning light. Alone again in the home that seemed deserted and inhospitable, _he woke, she fled, and day brought back his night._

END OF PART SIX


	7. Nevermore 1

Author's notes: Ok, this is not the entire chapter... This part was outrageously long, so my lovely beta Stonedtoad (many many many thanks for having the patience to read all this stuff! hugs) sugggested to split it, which I did. So here we go, part 7.1 :))

Hope someone enjoys this. And don't forget that feedback is always welcomed!

* * *

PART SEVEN:

**_NEVERMORE_**

_Motto: __"Nessun maggior dolore che ricordarsi del tempo felice nella miseria."_

_"No greater sorrow than to recall in our misery a time when we were happy." _

_(Dante Alighieri)_

NOTE: "/\/\/\/\/\/\ " denotes flashbacks. Please imagine that all the dialogues that Daniel remembers are in Abydonian.

* * *

He looked around again, wanting to be sure where he actually was. This time it was not a dream. It was real. He was just sitting on his own bed, in his own apartment in Colorado Springs. No fairytale-like forest, no western ranch, no neoclassical dance hall, no fancy Parisian restaurant, no cave, no Abydonian dunes, no deserted beach, no 'Arabian Nights' décor, no snowy park… and, thank God, no white empty room. No. Just his own bedroom. And loneliness, and a huge pain. 

It was over. She was gone, and he had just woken up from the most beautiful dream he ever experienced. Daniel smiled, remembering the wonderful landscapes, the interesting situations and, most importantly, remembering having her with him again, being able to hold her and feel her by his side. It hadn't been real; yet he had been able to see her again and… said goodbye. Ok, not 'goodbye': '_au revoir_'. It sounded more… hopeful.

With a sigh, he looked for his glasses and, finding them, he put them on. Sha're had given him a dream as a farewell gift. And, in this vision, she showed him her love and let him live some more pleasant moments with her. But the most important thing, he realized, was the fact that she gave him comfort and confidence. He needed to live his life, she had said, and needed to continue his travels. And he would do that. He was determined to find her child and Skaara, to fight against the Goa'uld and make discoveries for the sake of the Universe. But not in that very moment. He needed to take that day off. He needed to mourn her death.

Ignoring the severe headache, which he had felt since waking up, he stood and saw that the pillow was still wet with tears. He remembered the way he cried the night before and bitterly smiled again. Only once before in his life had he wept like that. His wife had been the one to comfort him in both cases. The first time, the two of them were in the middle of the Abydonian desert, stargazing, and she had asked him about his parents. He had never talked to anyone before about that tragic episode of his life and, if it hadn't been for the Gamekeeper incident, his friends wouldn't have known either. But Sha're… She was so special, in the way that she always listened to him and was always there when he needed her. At their first wedding night, she had listened to him almost the entire night. She was the first one to listen to his theories and not think he was mad. The fact that she understood him and seemed so interested in his ideas had been one of the most important reasons for falling in love with her. And he felt he could trust her and could tell her the most awful secret hidden in his soul. For the first time in his life, he spoke about his parents' death. He told her absolutely everything, every detail, every feeling he had felt back then. He also spoke about his grandfather's rejection, about the unaccountable feeling of guiltiness, about loss, loneliness, about orphanages, foster homes, lack of friends, and again, loneliness. Narrating the terrible event, his eyes had been filled with tears, and he had shortly started to cry violently in her arms… Now, he could remember the pain and complete devotion in her wet eyes, as she was gently holding him and rocking back and forth in order to calm him down. The suffering he had kept locked inside for more then twenty years had suddenly unfolded in a weeping that broke the young woman's heart. Sha're had cried with him for hours, trying to make him feel better although her own pain was huge. And in the end, her constant caressing and assurance that she was with him and it would be all right managed in comforting him. Her love and tenderness made him feel better.

And this time… Sha're sent him a comforting gift to help him pass through the pain her own death had caused him… She knew him so well that she foresaw the feelings he would feel after her loss. She knew she was going to die, but she first though of others: Teal'c, her son, and, of course, Daniel. He smiled, remembering her selflessness and kindness. Just other two features in her long list of qualities…

Daniel sighed again, as his memories took him back in time…

/\/\/\/\/\/\

_"My Dan'iel, we cannot leave it here. We have to help it."_

_The man seemed a little confused, looking from his wife to the small creature… and from the injured being back to his wife. They were walking home after a hard day of translating the symbols from the map room, when she found the weak animal in the middle of the desert. Sha're had knelt down in the sand in front of it, and she saw one of the strange bird's wings had a bad wound on it._

_"Ok, we'll do what we can," he said after a few more moments, while she was lifting the animal and softly caressing its head. "I bet the little fellow is really dehydrated. Here. I think it will help," he continued, revealing the huge water container they always carried with them in their trips to the caverns._

_"Thank you," his wife said, taking the water he offered and trying to make the bird drink some. When at last she succeeded, the animal seemed to feel much better. The refreshment gave it energy and made it struggle in Sha're's hands._

_"Shh, 'little fellow', it's going to be all right. Stay calm and I will try to heal your wing," she told the scared bird, and, amazingly, it slowly gave up fighting and settled better in her arms."_

_"Wow! How did you do that?" Daniel asked puzzled._

_She smiled, not knowing what to say in return. Instead, she gave him a look as she pleaded: "Please, husband, let me take it back home with us. I promise I will make sure it does not make any trouble…"_

_"Of, course, love. We'll take care of the bird together. Ok?"_

_She nodded joyfully before giving him a brief kiss, and then they continued their way home._

/\/\/\/\/\/\

Later, as Daniel remembered, Sha're had managed in healing the bird's wounded wing, and, when it was finally able to fly again, they released it. It was a great feeling to know that a life, no matter how insignificant, was saved because of you. The moment he had seen the bird ascend in the clear blue skies, he knew that Sha're's decision to help the almost dying animal was a right one. She used to love life in all its forms. He was sure that, if they had… rescued her and… brought her to Earth, she would have been fascinated by his fishes, by the pigeons, squirrels and raccoons that lives in the town… But… he couldn't save her…! She was gone forever, just like the bird, which had flown away and never came back…

Seeing things from a different perspective, Daniel realized that Teal'c's act might have been a good one after all. The Jaffa didn't have any other choice but to fire upon her, he could understand that, and, although it hurt like hell, he was beginning to see that, by… killing her, he also made her free again. Sha're must have suffered greatly while being a host to Amaunet, and her ordeal was finally over. Maybe she was happier, wherever she was…

Then he started thinking what a selfish bastard he was for thinking only about his pain. Kasuf was probably hurting as much as he was; after all the man lost his only daughter… And, of course, the SGC lost precious personnel in the battle for freeing the Abydonians. And there were the dozens of people, both Abydonians and Amaunet's Jaffa. All of them had died the same day, and many people had lost dear ones too. However… The only death that counted for him was his wife's death. She was lost. And he had to learn to leave without the hope of finding her…

Not allowing any other though to pass through his mind, Daniel finally left his bed and went to the bathroom. After taking a quick shower and shaving, he looked almost normal. Only the small healing burn from the ribbon-device, and the pain in his eyes, revealed that this man had recently endured a tragic loss.

As his mind was sorry that _she_ couldn't benefit from all the advantages of modern life, he got to the closet and took out the same beige sweater he was wearing in his first vision. It was the perfect choice. Usually, on Earth, black was the colour for mourning. But he wasn't grieving the death of somebody from Earth. On Abydos, almost any cloths were light brown, dark yellow, or beige. And since he was the widower of an Abydonian woman…

_Widower_. He stopped in the middle of the room, the beige sweater in his hand. Yes. That's what he was. A widower. A man whose wife had died. But the word hurt so much…

He simply pulled the soft, worm sweater on, and moved again, this time to the kitchen. He started the coffee maker and prepared himself for opening the fridge in the hope of finding something nearly eatable. The door rang and made him postpone his searches.

"Pizza delivery," the girl at the door said.

"What…?"

"You ordered a pizza ten minutes ago."

"No I didn't."

"You didn't…? Sir, are you not Jack… O'Neill…?"

"No, he's a friend of mine…" Daniel said half smiling, starting to understand.

"Well, he ordered a classical pizza with double ketchup and no onion, he paid for it, and gave us this address…."

"It's ok. My friend… wants to be sure I'm eating properly…"

The girl didn't seem to understand, but took the tip anyway and left.

Yep, his friends sure had their ways of making sure he was as well as possible, he thought while returning to the kitchen, filling his coffee mug and taking the pill Janet had given him. His headache was less powerful now, but he wanted to get rid of it completely… Unfortunately, the pain in his heart was something that wouldn't give up too easy. Probably at all…

Daniel took a slice of still warm pizza, realizing he hadn't eaten for almost twenty-four hours and his stomach really needed food. Though he didn't felt like eating, he took a mouthful of his favourite pizza and decided it was nice enough…

/\/\/\/\/\/\

_Sha're half-opened her eyes sleepily and saw that her husband wasn't besides her in bed. She lifted herself in a sitting position and look around the tent. Daniel was nowhere to be seen, but a delicious smell of fresh food was coming from the part of their house he had called 'kitchen'. Soon, the man appeared from behind a curtain, a plate in his hand._

_"Good morning, Sleeping Beauty. Happy birthday!"_

_She was so puzzled that she couldn't say anything, as her husband smiled at her lovingly and briefly kissed her before placing the breakfast in her lap._

_"Bon appétit," he added, sitting on the edge of the bed._

_"My Dan'iel, this is… this is… incredible! How did you know…?"_

_"Skaara told me about your birthday a month ago…."_

_"And you… cooked… again." She still wasn't letting him help her at some domestic chores, but the idea of her husband preparing something to eat wasn't scaring her that much any more. She had been shocked the first time he had cooked dinner, but she had to admit his food was eatable. And this breakfast was simply great…_

_"Are you not eating with me?" she asked gently._

_"No, love, I just finished two minutes ago. So… what are you planning for today?"_

_"Nothing unusual. Why?"_

_"Because I thought we could spend this special day in a special manner." At her curious look in her widened eyes, he smiled and quickly continued: "But I can't tell you anything else for now. It's a surprise."_

_"Fine. I will not ask, then. The meal was great."_

_Daniel leaned over her and lightly kissed her forehead, then he took the empty plate away._

_"I love you, Sha're."_

_"I love you too. And… Dan'iel… who is Sleeping Beauty?"_

_He laughed softly as he answered: "I'll tell you the story later, ok?" _

_His wife smiled, giving him a deep kiss._

/\/\/\/\/\/\

Daniel sighed, thinking that now he couldn't hope for another breakfast with his wife. She was gone. And it was his entire fault…

A noise interrupted his thoughts, and he answered the phone.

// "Hey, Daniel, how are you feeling?" //

"Hi, Jack. Thanks for the food."

// "Just wanted to make sure you eat. So, want me to come around?" //

"No, thanks, I think I can manage…" Could he? Could he go on with his life just like that? His voice was weak and it made Jack want to jump in a car and race to his friend's apartment.

// "You sure you're ok?" //

"No, but… I will be," he said, the same words he had spoken a year before when he lost her again after the birth of her child. "I think…" he added softly.

// "Take care, Danny. And if you need anything—" //

"… I'll call you. I know…"

// "Ok." //

"Jack?"

// "Yeah." //

"How's Kasuf?" The colonel was expecting the question. Daniel was such a good and caring person that, even in a situation like this, he wanted to help the others.

// "Grieving, but trying to cope." //

Daniel sighed. His father in law had always been a strong man, or so Sha're used to say… She had told Daniel that the only time she remembered her father crying was when her mother died. She had been a little girl then, but the image of her father with tears in his eyes had haunted her for a long time.

// "Daniel? You still there?" //

"Yes. Thanks again, Jack. And don't worry, I will be fine… eventually…"

This words couldn't make the other man feel any more confident in the way Daniel was… recovering. But he knew they had to give him space… for a while. Then he would be there for his friend, giving him the much-needed comfort.

// "Ok, Danny. See you tomorrow, then?" //

"Yeah, think so. Bye."

The moment he put the receiver down, Daniel felt a little better. He was not alone, he had friends who cared about him, as Sha're said… Still, this wasn't making the pain of losing her any more bearable…

And Kasuf… The poor man was in an even worst situation than he was. Not only did he loose his daughter, but he was also on a strange planet, surrounded by unknown people (except Jack), having to stay strong for the other Abydonians and to be the same respected leader he always been. Daniel knew that the next day he would have to go to the facility and talk to his father-in-law. And there was the funeral they had to arrange…

Funeral. Sha're's funeral.

Again, tears formed in his eyes.

It couldn't be – Sha're's funeral… No, such words mustn't have ever been spoken. His wife was… had been… such a beautiful, smart, lively young woman… And now… She was dead… And he had to go to her funeral…

He had seen it all in the vision she had given him. He had lived it. He had seen the boundless dessert, where his love and all his hopes had grown, now turned into the place to literally swallow his love… and all his hopes… He had looked up to the clear skies, only to feel that the sensation of freedom and peace their blue horizon used to give him was now weighting like an overwhelming burden of sorrow over his torn heart. He had felt the bright sun warming him again, but this time it didn't feel like the caress of a friend, but the rough hit of an enemy. He had heard the wind blowing over the dunes, but now it didn't sound like a sweet lullaby any more – now it was a funeral song played for his wife, for his love… and for his soul. The entire place he had loved so much seemed now inhospitable and worthy of hatred.

With her, the desert had never been a dead place. It had been full of life, just like her. But now, with her death, it was dead too. Without her, the desert seemed even more deserted…

His head was full of images of her in the middle of the Abydonian sands. Walking with him and showing him all the small traces of fauna and vegetations, small wonders that would have remained hidden from his eyes… And her dead body lying in the opened tomb... Dancing only for him in the pale light of the three moons… And the sand falling slowly over her corpse… Her, smiling as the wind blew through her hair… And him, sighting as the same wind threw sand in his tearful eyes…

It was all in his mind, a mixture of pleasant memories of their time together and painful scenes from his strange 'dream'. He'd lived her funeral once, but he will have to do it again. This time for real. It hurt more than words could describe, but he had to be strong…

Strong, yes. For her. To honour her for a last time in the ceremony. She had always been a strong and determined person, and this was a truth he had found out very early…

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So, if you read to this point, how about a review:D Thanks!


	8. Nevermore 2

Here's part 7.2... Many thanks to Stonedtoad for the beta!

Enjoy!

* * *

_He had managed to convince the colonel and the others to help these people get rid of the tyranny of Ra. He himself had started this uneven war when he had turned the weapon at the false god's servants, in front of the waiting mob. And the people had approved his gesture, and raised guns and primitive hammers at their oppressor. He imagined Sha're had something to do with this uprising… The night they had spent in those caves, she seemed very convinced he was telling the truth… _

_Sha're… such a sweet… and beautiful girl… and very intelligent too… And for her people, she was his 'wife'… But they didn't know he had never touched her. One single, gentle kiss… the softest in his entire life… He could still feel her sweet lips on his… And remember the way she trembled when he had first caress her check… But that was all… the rest of the night was spent in explanations and plans for this fight…_

_What was he going to do? According to this planet's traditions, they were married, and he had a responsibility for her. And she was nice, and smart, and astonishingly beautiful… But he had found the symbols to take them home, and--_

_He shook his had. No, he mustn't think of these now. They had a war to fight. All other problems could be solved later. If there was going to be a 'later'…_

_In the morning, he would go with the colonel into the pyramid, disguised in Abydonian clothing. He had learned that every ten years, Ra would come to this planet and collect all the strange substance they dug in the mines. That's why they were taken as the 'god's' messengers in the first place. A delegation of men would bring the precious material to their cruel tyrant, and receive his blessing for another ten years._

_Not this year. The colonel – he'd grown to admire the guy in these days – had a plan. It could be crazy to try and give a coup with a dozen of shepherd boys against a being that proclaimed himself a god. But it was their only chance. Crazy and impossible as it was, the plan had to work._

_And in the morning they would do it. A suicide mission maybe, but--_

_"Dan'iel?"_

_He turned quickly and saw Sha're standing at the entrance of the tent, a concerned look on her face._

_"Come here, Sha're, please" he told her gently in her own language, and then added: "I wanted to talk to you…"_

_She sat down by his side, gazing into the fire. This might be their last night together, if he was to die the next morning. He wished he could tell her somehow that she was a very special person and he was thankful to her for teaching him to speak her language and showing him the inscriptions in the caves. But he just couldn't say anything. She was just absently watching the strange dance of the flames, with her head on a raised knee and her eyes half closed. _

_Then, unexpectedly, she suddenly looked at him, and spoke quietly, but in a determinate voice:_

_"I want to come with you."_

_"What?" this was something he never though of. "You can't be serious."_

_"I am. I want to come with you tomorrow and help defeat the demon we had stupidly obeyed for too long."_

_"But, Sha're, you can't--"_

_"I can't what?! Do not tell me I am a woman and I can't fight."_

_She took a pistol from the ground and armed it with a skilfulness that surprised him._

_"When you press this tiny piece of metal, the 'bullet' comes out and kills the one you are aiming at. I know. The great warrior that came with you reluctantly explained it to the boys. I was there and I saw how to do it. I can do it. I want to do it."_

_"It's very dangerous, Sha're."_

_"I know. It is very dangerous for you too."_

_"But--"_

_"You take my brother with you. And he is merely a child. So are the other boys. But you need them. Why refuse my help?"_

_"Sha're, you don't understand."_

_"Understand what?"_

_"I… I don't want anything to happen to you. I don't want you to die."_

_"And I don't want you to die either, Dan'iel," she said softly, "But if you are to die for this planet, I want to die with you too. It is our war to fight, not yours."_

_"Your fight is my fight now."_

_She looked at him for some moments, neither of them speaking. And then she asked him again:_

_"Please, please let me come with you tomorrow, Dan'iel." As he wasn't saying anything, she went on with her pleading. "What happened with the equality you were telling me about? Just because I'm a woman, I don't have the right to die for the freedom of my people?"_

_Daniel understood her reasons. She was very brave and strong-willed. And she wanted her people to be free, even with the cost of her life. He couldn't help but admire her even more._

_"What it your father saying about this?"_

_"I am married now. Or so they think. My father has no authority over me any more. Only my husband has." _

_"And the colonel?"_

_"He needs people for his plan. He would take me."_

_She was right about that. But why was the decision for him to take?_

_"Sha're, I can't tell you what to do. I'm not ordering you anything. My advice is to stay somewhere safe. But if you want to come, I can't stop you."_

_"So I may go?"_

_The somehow childish joy in her eyes made him sight. No, he couldn't stop her. But he was determined to do everything in his power to protect her._

_"Yes, you may…"_

_"Thank you!" she said in a happy voice, and then, faster than he could react, leaned over him and quickly kissed his check. He looked at her, strange feeling forming in his heart. Why was this girl so special? It was something he couldn't understand yet, but now wasn't the proper time. In the morning… everything would be either lost, either won. _

/\/\/\/\/\/\

Daniel smiled at the memory, also remembering the events after. As the decisive mission was to start in some hours, he had spent the time with Sha're. Neither of them could sleep, nor talk. Blushing, she had asked him to just hold her, and he had accepted, he himself taking comfort from her close presence. The silence between them was good, since it let both of them think of what was to happen.

As the moment approached and the darkness started to lighten a little, he could feel her shaking softly in his arms. It could be the cold, but he knew this wasn't it.

/\/\/\/\/\/\

_"You afraid?" He asked gently, tightening his embrace. _

_"Yes," she admitted._

_"Me too. You don't have to come."_

_"No, I want to. We'll make it, Dan'iel. We'll defeat this deceiver. We have to."_

_"Let's hope so." _

_She turned her head and their eyes met. She was so beautiful… and she was in Daniel's arms… And she was looking at him with those eyes… Almost unconsciously, Daniel leaned closer and slowly, very sweetly, kissed her again. When they parted, he could see she had tears in her eyes. He wanted to ask what was the problem, but she began to speak:_

_"Dan'iel, if we are to die now… I want to tell you… that you… are the most incredible man… I ever met… and… and… that I… I… I…"_

_She wasn't able to finish, as the curtain of the tent moved to reveal one of the boys, who came to tell them the colonel had ordered everybody to get ready._

/\/\/\/\/\/\

Yeah, that had been her first attempt of confessing her love for him… At the time, Daniel didn't know that he, too, was

deeply in love with her. He had realised it only when she had been taken from him that first time. He had felt his whole world had crushed on him when she had fallen down, breathless. But there was a sarcophagus, and he had been able to bring her to life again. It was then, while he was watching the machine resurrecting her, that it became clear for him. He loved her; she was a part of his universe now. And he found that he liked it. After all had been over, and Abydos was a free planet, he decided to stay. And it was the best choice he had taken in his entire life. The year that followed, with all the moments of bliss he had lived, certified it.

And two nights before he still had the hope of finding her again and restarting a life with her. Maybe on Abydos, more probably on Earth, since he was sure she would understand his solid link to the SGC and to his friends.

Now this hope was lost, and there was nothing to be done. Except going to her funeral and bury her with all the glory she deserved. And then go on with his life, always holding on tight on the precious memories he had.

But now memories hurt. His pain was too fresh. And every single memory was showing him what used to be and now wouldn't have the chance to be again.

Daniel sighted. He was a reasonable person; he knew life had to go on. But how

could it? How could he? She had asked that of him in both visions she had given him. But it was so hard…

Moving on automatic pilot, he quickly cleaned the dishes, took his jacket and then got out of his apartment. He didn't have a place in mind, where to go, he just walked on the streets with no direction at all.

His feet took him through the streets, him, a lonely, grieving figure among people with happiness on their faces. At the corner of his apartment building, an old couple, walking slowly arm in arm…

/\/\/\/\/\/\

_"Dan'iel?" she suddenly asked, turning her head a little, so as to look him in the eyes. They were here in the middle of the desert, alone and watching the wide sky above. The night was beautiful, millions of stars were shining for their eyes, they were in love and nothing seemed to be against them. A perfect life they were living, and the happiness in their souls was so huge that it amazed them both._

_"Yes, love, what is it?"_

_"You once told me on your planet people used to make wishes on stars. There are so many stars now, why not make a wish?"_

_"I don't believe in that anymore, but it's a nice custom. But first we need to choose. What star do you like most?"_

_"See the two ones there, a little further from others? We call them 'the lovers', because these stars seem to want to be alone by themselves, and they shine with more power during our fertility feasts at the harvest."_

_"They're beautiful. There. I made a wish. Your turn now."_

_"I had already made it. I wished to be a good wife to you and be able to make you the happiest man ever."_

_"I am happy with you, my love, happier than I ever thought possible. And you know something? I also wished happiness for both of us. I wished we could live happily ever after, to live a simple and calm life, full of love and understanding. Just like Philemon and Baucis."_

_"Who?"_

_"Two characters from Greek and Roman mythology. They were an old pair who had lived all their life in perfect harmony. One day, two of the gods, Zeus himself—"_

_"… The supreme god and in charge of the sky and thunder…"_

_"Yes, you learned well. Together with Hermes—"_

_"… God of trading and skills among others…"_

_"Exactly. The two celestial beings paid them a visit in disguise and, although they were very poor, Philemon and Baucis welcomed them and did their best to make the strangers feel well. As a reward for their hospitality and kindness, Zeus granted them the fulfilment of their most desired wish."_

_"And what did they choose, my Dan'iel?"_

_"To die at the same time, so as neither of them could see the other's death and feel the pain of being left alone."_

_"And this wish came true?"_

_"Yes, and even more happened. They didn't actually die. When their lives were over, they both morphed into trees. Two trees with entangled branches, blend in an ultimate embrace that lasted forever…"_

_"That was a beautiful story, my husband. You know something?"_

_"What?"_

_"I wish our life together to be as long and as full of happiness as theirs."_

_"So do I."_

_They both smiled, and Daniel just held her thigh, convinced that in his arms he had the most precious treasure of them all._

* * *

Part 7.3 will be posted right away! I love feedback, so don't hesitate to say what you think, if you read this! 


	9. Nevermore 3

As promised, here's part 7.3 (the last one of this chapter). Many thanks to Stonedtoad for the beta and advice!

Of course the poetry included here is not mine, I only borrowed some lines to have Daniel read them and make him suffer even more. Bad, bad author:))

Thanks for bearing with me and hope you enjoy.

* * *

Daniel blinked, taking his eyes off the old couple. Hopes. Happiness. A life together to be lived happily ever after. Wishes. All these were merely words for him now… The legend of Philemon and his long loved wife Baucis had always been one of his favourites, and the night he told it to Sha're was a wonderful memory. Memories, yeah. That was all he had left. Because his wish from that night hadn't come true. He was alone now, condemned to suffer from the death of his wife…

If only he could have died too, in that very second she closed her eyes for the last time… Not that a part of his soul hadn't… But life had to go on, he knew that. No matter how much it hurt…

He kept going and headed for the park. He knew that there he could find a peaceful and quiet place to just sit and think. And he found what he was seeking. A bench under an old tree, its leaves a symphony of colours, from green to golden and dark red.

For some moments there was no one around, and the only thing he could hear was the whispering of the wind. But then there came a young mother, carrying her baby.

Babies.

/\/\/\/\/\/\

_Sha're entered their home exhausted and was surprised to see her husband jumping from the floor, where he was writing in his journal, and come to her in a hurry._

_"What is it?"_

_She had just returned from the house of one of her closest friends, who had just became a mother for the first time._

_"It's a boy. She's very lucky to have been able to give her husband a little boy as the first born."_

_Daniel sensed the hue of sadness in her voice and knew what was she referring at, but decided to chance the course of the discussion for the moment._

_"What? But Skaara is younger than you and I don't think your father has a problem with that."_

_"For him it wasn't, but for some men, it is. Isn't it the custom on Earth to—"_

_She stopped, not believing her eyes. She had headed for the kitchen to try and cook something very fast (she knew she had neglected her duties that day, but she just had to be there for her friend…) when she saw… a plate of food still steaming near the fire._

_"How... what… what happened?" she managed to murmur, pointing to the fresh, deliciously smelling food. _

_"I imagined you're going to be late, so I… well, tried my skills in Abydonian cuisine…"_

_"But Dan'iel, husbands don't cook. It's one of the biggest shames for a man to do women's choirs. You can't--"_

_"Well, than nobody will found out. But I thought a disgraced husband was better than starving…"_

_"Oh, my Dan'iel, I'm really sorry I wasn't here this whole day, but…"_

_"I understand. Your friend needed you. Are you going to try my experiment or not?"_

_"Well… let's see." She tasted the food and then looked at him smiling and trying to be critical. "It sure needs more salt. And the balance between the ingredients is not even. Plus, you seem to have boiled it more than needed."_

_"Hmm?"_

_When she laughed out loud, he realised she was joking._

_"No, Dan'iel, it's perfect. You're amazing. I never knew you could cook…"_

_"I lived a long time by my self, love. I had to learn how to take care of myself. But luckily, I'm not alone any more. I have a family now."_

_"And speaking of family…" she said uncertainly, finishing her dinner and looking at him, "Aren't you a little worried? We have been married for two seasons now and… nothing. I carry no child."_

_The deep sorrow in her voice was almost palpable. Daniel understood her desire of being a mother and, though he couldn't believe it, he, too, wanted to have children. That way, their life would have been complete._

_"But, Sha're, there's plenty of time. We can't lose hope."_

_"I know. Maybe one day I'll be able to give you a successor."_

_"Yes, I want a little girl just like you." He said, coming closer and taking her face in his hands. "To have your smile, your hair, your eyes--"_

_"No, your eyes. Just like the sky…"_

_"Maybe. And to be as beautiful as her mother…"_

_"And I hope not as stubborn as her father…"_

_"Why not? Well, she could get another kind of stubbornness from you too…"_

_"Very funny…" She told him, slowly kissing him._

_"But I," she said after they came apart, "I would like a boy. Just like you. To make him a scholar and teach him everything you know."_

_"But our little girl could be a scholar too."_

_"Then how about…" she said moving her fingers through the hair from his neck, "we have a girl and a boy!"_

_"And then another girl."_

_"And then another boy!"_

_"Yes, a lot of sweet babies. All of them looking just like you."_

_"That's easy for you to say, since I'll be the one to carry them, not you."_

_"But love, I'll be there. I'll help you both through the pregnancy and to bring them up. I'll always be there for you."_

_He kissed her again, this time more passionately._

_"Did you miss me today?" she then asked, caressing his chest under his robes._

_"More than you could imagine," he said, extinguishing the oil lamp and than turning to her again. "Do you know what I was thinking? We should practice more. Maybe this way we'll have the child we both want."_

_His hands moved gently over her body, letting her robes fall from her shoulders._

_"What a great idea, my husband," she smiled satisfied, feeling his lips go down at the bottom of her neck._

_Quickly, no words were spoken anymore and soon they lost themselves in their passion._

/\/\/\/\/\/\

Babies. For some reason, the time they had spent together hadn't been enough for them to became parents. And his Sha're won't ever walk through the park like the young woman in front of him was… They never had a baby, and never will. Sure, there was the boy. Apophis' child. Not that Daniel didn't understand the situation in which the boy was conceived. He knew it well, and he could imagine the pain his wife must have felt. He had made a promise to find the boy and keep him safe, and he was determined to do so. After all, the innocent child was his last link to her.

Last link. Last link! Other words that hurt way too much. The boy was a part of her… Left somewhere in the Universe to remind him of Sha're. And, of course, there were the memories.

Memories of their life together, memories of happiness, memories of bliss. Memories that hurt. Memories he didn't want just now.

He stood up and began moving from here to there, trying hard not to think of anything. He spent hours walking like that, not seeing anything around him. Or better said, not wanting to see anything; because every thing would remind him of her: the young man and woman kissing on a bench in the park was a reminder that he would never be able to show her his world; the fallen leaves he was stepping on reminding him that his soul had fallen just like that when she had tumbled to the ground with that terrible burn on her chest; the surrounding nature was something she wouldn't ever know. He didn't need all those reminders. He knew it all too well, and there was no way he could forget.

He finally needed to look around when he felt something wet on his face. No, there couldn't be tears. Tears were warm. This was cold. He raised his head to the skies and only saw heavy grey clouds above him. No, he wasn't crying. Nature was. It was raining.

/\/\/\/\/\/\

_"Dan'iel, Dan'iel! My Dan'iel!"_

_Hearing her voice call out his name, he closed his journal, where he was copying the inscriptions on the walls, and got towards the entrance of the cave. Her voice had sounded joyful, and he was curious to know what was it that made her cross the desert in a hurry to come to him. _

_Daniel hadn't exited the cave when she rushed in, and, to his surprise, she was… wet?_

_"Sha're? What happened?"_

_"Dan'iel, the clouds, they are blessing us. Water is falling from the heavens. This hadn't happen for many seasons…"_

_Rain, Daniel thought. Yeah, on a desert planet rain was something unusual and rare. It was normal for people to jump with joy when it happened. _

_"Come, husband, we should let the water fall over us and clean all the sorrows and pains that there may be…"_

_She took his hand and led him outside. The rain was, indeed, fantastic. Big drops of water were falling down, quickly absorbed by the thirsty ground. And Sha're' childish joy was even more fascinating; all these were making him feel the excitement too. Together, they ran through the sands, as warm water was wetting them, blessing them with happiness._

_"I love you, Sha're," he told her, taking her in his arms and kissing her passionately in the middle of the desert, as rain kept falling over them._

_And than, on their journey home, they saw another wonder in this unfertile world: flowers. Beautiful, violet cactus flowers had abruptly blossomed, while the sky was smiling to them with an enormous rainbow…_

/\/\/\/\/\/\

Bitterly smiling to the memory, Daniel knew this time tears and rain were merging over his face. He was crying together with the nature, or nature was crying together with him? It didn't matter.

He then remembered there was another rain that had changed his life. A cold, unfriendly Los Angeles rain, cynically falling over his misery. But then he was holding in his hand the chance for giving his life a new course. Catherine's letter had taken him to the Stargate, and to Sha're.

Now he was alone in the rain again, his life destroyed. But was there a rainbow left for him in the future? Was that rainbow a chain woven with memories? Maybe.

He kept his head up, facing the skies and the clouds and letting rain wash away his tears. It wasn't powerful enough to "clean all the sorrows and pains", as Sha're had said, but he could find a little comfort in it.

When, hours later, Daniel finally arrived home, he was rational enough to realise a hot shower and dry cloths were the things he needed most. Fixing that, he went to the kitchen and made a huge mug of coffee. He wasn't hungry, but, knowing that he needed food and that Jack wouldn't be very happy if he didn't eat, he had stopped at a fast food on his way.

Now what? He thought, coming in the living room and sitting in front of the fireplace. He had to do something. He couldn't just stare blankly into space, because thoughts would win over him again. And sleep wasn't an option, though it was nearly midnight… He knew what could bring him through, what had always brought him through, no matter what: books.

As a child in orphanages or foster homes, he used to loose himself reading something interesting and forgetting his own suffering. He could do that now. He got to one of the bookshelves and picked a volume randomly.

It was an edition of Edgar Allan Poe's poems. Maybe not a good choice for his mood, but he opened it anyway, again not searching for something in particular, and began to read.

_For the moon never beams, without bringing me dreams_

_Of the beautiful Annabel Lee_

_And the stars never rise but I feel the bright eyes_

_Of the beautiful Annabel Lee;_

_And so, all the night-tide, I lie down by the side_

_Of my darling, my darling, my life and my bride,_

_In the sepulchre there by the sea_

_In her tomb by the sounding sea._

Yep, definitely not a good choice. The surroundings were different, but the story was practically the same. He could recognise himself in the poet's sad words. His love story had been like this: happiness, powerful feelings, "a love that was more than love", as Poe says, a perfection coveted by the superior forces maybe. And then loss, and unbearable pain.

No, his Sha're hadn't been chilled by a wind that blew out of a cloud because of the envy of the winged seraphs: she had been stolen away from him by a being who proclaimed himself God…

Trying hard not to think any further and remember all the events that lead to her death, he flipped the pages and found the beginning of a poem he knew he mustn't read for the moment: "The Raven". He knew what it said, he knew it wasn't going to make any good to him, but he couldn't stop from reading it again…

_Once upon a midnight dreary, while I pondered, weak and weary,  
Over many a quaint and curious volume of forgotten lore--_

Again, his situation was mirrored in the verses he was reading. Because that was what he was doing, trying to find comfort in a poem about trying to find comfort...

_Ah, distinctly I remember it was in the bleak December,  
And each separate dying ember wrought its ghost upon the floor.  
Eagerly I wished the morrow; --vainly I had sought to borrow  
From my books surcease of sorrow--sorrow for the lost Lenore--  
For the rare and radiant maiden whom the angels name Lenore--_

_Nameless here for evermore._

Yes, the similitude was growing stronger. On a early autumn midnight, in front of a cold fireplace, Daniel was seeking his own portion of balm, to calm down the incredible pain for his lost Sha're…

But there was no _"__tapping// As of some one gently rapping, rapping at _his_ chamber door." _And he knew there won't be any "_late visiter entreating entrance at _his _chamber door;"_ There was only silence around him, but a silence able to _"thrill _him_ -- fill_ him_ with fantastic terrors never felt before;" _just like the mysterious tapping would have been able._Darkness there and nothing more._

Darkness, darkness what was surrounded him, the darkness in his heart, the darkness of his loss…

_Deep into that darkness peering, long I stood there wondering, fearing,  
Doubting, dreaming dreams no mortals ever dared to dream before;  
But the silence was unbroken, and the stillness gave no token,  
And the only word there spoken was the whispered word, "Lenore?"  
This I whispered, and an echo murmured back the word, "Lenore!"--_

_Merely this and nothing more._

He realised that if he, too, called Sha're's name loudly, there would be no reply. She won't ever come to him and stay in his arms, caressing his face with her gentle fingers and whispering love to him… She won't ever speak to him again; her sweet voice was now a sound he hadn't any hopes of hearing again…

He needed no _"stately Raven of the saintly days of yore" _to came into his chamber; no strange apparition needed to arrive to make him realise the sad truth: Sha're was lost and there was nothing he could do_… _

_Quoth the Raven, "Nevermore."_

Nevermore. Yes, that was the word that best described what he felt now. The one single word_ ("__But the Raven, sitting lonely on that placid bust, spoke only // That one word, as if its soul in that one word he did outpour // Nothing farther then he uttered; not a feather then he fluttered--")_ said by the Plutonian bird in the poem, like an eerie refrain to collect a multitude of meanings.

_Till I scarcely more than muttered: "Other friends have flown before--  
On the morrow he will leave me, as my Hopes have flown before."_

_Then the bird said "Nevermore."_

Nevermore. She was gone, hope was gone, his pain will never be gone. Nevermore will the strange beast, with all the symbolical significance it bore, leave the poet… and him.

_Then, methought, the air grew denser, perfumed from an unseen censer  
Swung by Seraphim whose foot-falls tinkled on the tufted floor.  
"Wretch," I cried, "thy God hath lent thee--by these angels he hath sent thee  
Respite--respite and nepenthe from thy memories of Lenore!  
Quaff, oh quaff this kind nepenthe and forget this lost Lenore!"_

_Quoth the Raven, "Nevermore."_

Nevermore. He won't ever be able to forget. Never forget Sha're, nor his broken love, nor all the pain… The memories would haunt him for all his life. Memories to torment him with reminders of happiness, now impossible…

_"Prophet!" said I, "thing of evil!--prophet still, if bird or devil!--  
Whether Tempter sent, or whether tempest tossed thee here ashore,  
Desolate, yet all undaunted, on this desert land enchanted--  
On this home by Horror haunted--tell me truly, I implore--  
Is there--is there balm in Gilead?--tell me--tell me, I implore!"_

_Quoth the Raven, "Nevermore."_

Nevermore. There was no balm – no comfort left for him. The deep wound on his soul would leave a scar forever unable to heal.

_"Prophet!" said I, "thing of evil!--prophet still, if bird or devil!  
By that Heaven that bends above us--by that God we both adore--  
Tell this soul with sorrow laden if, within the distant Aidenn,  
It shall clasp a sainted maiden whom the angels name Lenore--  
Clasp a rare and radiant maiden whom the angels name Lenore."_

_Quoth the Raven, "Nevermore."_

Nevermore. She was dead; there was no meeting left… Although… in the second vision… she had said they would meet again. And he wanted to believe it. He desperately wanted to believe that this wasn't the end, that somewhere, beyond the great limit, she'll be with him again. He will believe her, not the pessimist part of his conscience…

_"Be that our sign of parting, bird or fiend!" I shrieked, upstarting--  
"Get thee back into the tempest and the Night's Plutonian shore!  
Leave no black plume as a token of that lie thy soul has spoken!  
Leave my loneliness unbroken! -- quit the bust above my door!  
Take thy beak from out my heart, and take thy form from off my door!"_

_Quoth the Raven, "Nevermore."_

Nevermore. He won't ever be able to banish the pain from his soul, or the uncertainty from his mind… _A lie_ maybe, but a lie that seemed more real… The evil dark Raven beak won't ever leave his heart…

_And the Raven, never flitting, still is sitting, still is sitting  
On the pallid bust of Pallas just above my chamber door;  
And his eyes have all the seeming of a demon's that is dreaming  
And the lamp-light o'er him streaming throws his shadows on the floor;  
And my soul from out that shadow that lies floating on the floor_

_Shall be lifted--nevermore!_

Nevermore? Will his soul never be able to walk out of the shadow of pain and despondency? Wasn't there really any hope for him? Was the poet right?

No, he couldn't let sorrow win over him. It wouldn't be what she wanted. He had to go on, he knew that... He had to. It was the right thing to do.

Memories hurt. Maybe now it was an ordeal to remember. But he knew there would be lighter days in his life. The same memories that now brought so much pain would some day bring light in his life. He was grateful for having them.

And he was grateful for something else. As Sha're had said in his dream, he was not alone. He had his friends, people he could hold on to. He will meet them in the morning. He was strong enough to go to the SGC and face Kasuf. He could find enough strength to go to the funeral and honour her for a last time. He was able to go on with his life and maybe remain the same man she used to know and fall in love with. He couldn't disappoint her.

Putting the book back on the shelf, Daniel moved to the window and looked at the skies. The rain had stopped and now, again, the bright stars were visible. Yes, he would always carry the scars over his soul. But, maybe, there was some balm left in Gilead.

It seemed to him that he could feel her watching over him, smiling to him with the light of each star that was shining.

Daniel let a small, sad smile cross his lips again, and after crushing two tears with his eyelashes, he lifted his wet glance towards the skies above.

"I love you too…"

END OF PART SEVEN

* * *

Yes, finally I have managed to post all of chapter seven:) I'd really appreciate it if you could leave a review:)


	10. Caress of the Dunes

AUTHOR'S NOTES: Here it is - the very last chapter! Like the rest of this story, it was written ages ago, but now I finally got round to posting it. Many thanks to my lovely beta Stonedtoad, who edited this a long tine ago, too! (the email with the corrections at the last half of this is dated "April 21", actually :)) oh, well)

Anyway, about this part... I have read so many well-written, touching and very interesting stories all over the Internet, all focusing on Daniel receiving support after "Forever in a Day" from his friends and teammates. Aware that this subject was already taken and gone through far better than I could ever do it, I've confined myself at showing in this fanfiction only another part of the very complex Daniel-comforting process – the sympathy coming from Abydos, with all its people, deserted landscapes and bittersweet memories.

This fanfiction also includes some slightly modified dialogue from the episode "Forever in a Day", without graphical highlighting. Though, I marked a couple of flashbacks with italics and put them between /\/\/\/\/\/\.

Hope someone reads and enjoys this! Feedback is very welcome!

* * *

As the morgue door opened slowly, Daniel knew he had to be strong again. This was his first stop today, the first place to go when coming to the base. Never leaving his side, Jack was a comfortable support he was sure he could count on. 

The morgue was the same as it had been the day before. A cold metal table exposing a dead body covered by a sheet. The dead body of his wife. But now, sitting on a chair nearby, his head resting on the hand he was laying on his daughter's cold hand… was Kasuf. The great and wise Chief Elder, Kasuf of Abydos, leader of Nagada, weakened and defeated by grief. Standing at the other corner of the room, Teal'c was watching over the old man looking like an immutable statue.

Daniel completely ignored the huge Jaffa and headed to his father-in-law, kneeling in front of him.

"Good Father…"

Kasuf slowly turned his head and looked at him, sorrow mirrored in his dry eyes.

"I am sorry, Good Father, for disappointing you and failing in saving your daughter. I--"

"Rise, Dan'iel. She is free now from the demon

that once possessed her. I have been informed in what condition this happened. How are you feeling, Good Son?"

Daniel couldn't say anything, and just stood there, taking in his words and wondering how much strength could there still be in Kasuf's old brave heart.

"You have not failed her, my son. For she is in a better life now. What we see here is just a shell. But what really matters is the soul. And now my daughter's soul is free, safe from the destructive possession of the false gods, living in the eternal kingdom of the real gods."

Finishing his words, the old man reached out for his son-in-law and embraced him tenderly. Daniel relaxed in his arms, feeling comfort and trying, in his turn, to offer his own support. Soon the mutual sympathy helped each of them to

release a part of the burden in his soul: two pairs of eyes slowly filled with tears wept for the same woman they had both loved. A father mourning the death of his daughter, a husband mourning the death of his wife.

o0o0o0o0o

The Abydonians were all given temporary accommodation at the SGC, until the General was able to give them permission to go back to their own planet. They have been brutally kidnapped from their homes, taken to another world light years away and imprisoned like animals in a cage. And all that was just part of the plan meant to capture The Harsesis Child. With no care about their suffering, a false goddess, wearing the face of a young woman they used to know, had used their abduction as a cover story for her even more evil goal. And now dozens of people were on a strange, unknown planet, surrounded by people they didn't know whether to trust or not, kept again, for their own protection, in a fortress that scared them and was in no way a place like home.

Daniel realised all this and wanted to see them. More than this, he felt he must go to them. So, while opening the door to the quarters the base usually hosted refugees in, he tried to gather his strength again. He entered and looked around, followed by Jack, who wasn't surprised to see Feretti among the Abydonians, trying to communicate with them.

"Dan'iel! Dan'iel" many desperate voices cried, coming towards him. They looked him in the eyes with trust and respect, hoping for a sign that things would be back to normal soon. The confidence they showed in him helped Daniel gain some self-trust and speak to them in kind but sad words.

O'Neill was proud of Daniel in that very moment. Watching him interact with the people

who had adopted him in their society some years ago, Jack felt that his fears of what might happen at this meeting were unjustified. Among the Abydonians, explaining the situation, giving and finding comfort, seeing familiar faces that reminded him of much happier times, Daniel seemed in his element. These people had been Sha're's friends and relatives, they had seen the love between her and Daniel grow, they had witnessed their happiness and had been a part of the perfect life he had lived on Abydos. When, a couple of hours later, the two of them finally left the refugees, Daniel seemed to have found a little peace within.

o0o0o0o0o

The day had come: that terrible day of the funeral, the day when Daniel, as her husband playing a very important part in the ritual according to Abydonian tradition, would have to officially and symbolically let Sha're's mortal remains lay into the warm sands of her homeland and unleash her soul for its journey into immortality.

It was a day he had dreaded most because he had lived it once before, in the vision experienced while being held in the clutches of the ribbon-device. In that 'dream', the funeral itself had been a mere pretext to bring Daniel again to some other information about Sha're's task for him. But now… it was real. This time, attending the ritual was a purpose in itself, and he was determined to do his best and honour his wife for a last time.

Daniel was grateful to his friends for offering their entire support. Since the day he had returned to the SGC, everyone had been extremely kind and understanding, showing their sympathy and always being there for him. Jack had been constantly somewhere near, not letting him bury himself alive in work and constantly destroying all the walls he was trying to build to block everybody out, always being a comforting presence Daniel knew would always want by his side, a shoulder to literally cry on and a couple of strong, reassuring arms to hold him and make sure he was as fine as he could possibly be. Sam would come to him every two or three hours, checking on how he coped and offering her friendship and concern, in the same time using all her knowledge to analyse the possibility of Sha're having sent a message to Daniel through the hand

device. Teal'c, more discreet due to the guilt he was still heavily feeling, had been a silent shadow watching over him, at any moment ready to help him in every way that he could, even by turning into the target to any kind of anger Daniel could have felt. But there was none, and the Jaffa learned once more that the power of forgiveness of these Tau'ri, and especially Daniel Jackson, was unquestionable. But the rest of his team weren't the only ones trying to help the grieving archaeologist: Janet, the General, Cassie and, in one form or another, almost everyone on the base showed Daniel their sincere condolences. A big, somehow unexpected help came from Feretti, the major being able even to make Daniel bitterly laugh at the memories of the first mission to Abydos.

Unlike in his vision, resignation was not something Daniel wanted any more. Sha're had convinced him to continue his travels and he knew his friends were a too important part of his life now. But, just like in the 'dream' Sha're had given to him, he needed to pay his last homage to her before he could go on with his life. A life her memory would always be a part of, regardless of anything else.

The support he was receiving was the force to keep him going through all the days that had passed. Kasuf and the others had returned to Abydos and brought Sha're's body with them, in order to prepare it for the ceremony. Now, the time had come and everything was ready for the traditional burial.

Dressed in an Abydonian attire completed with Earthly sunglasses (useful to protect his eyes both from the powerful rays of the sun and from the sympathetic looks he could see everywhere he went), Daniel stepped through the event horizon towards Abydos, the last one in a sorrowful delegation. General Hammond, just like in the dream, had insisted to come in person. Jack, Sam and Janet's presence was not a surprise. But, different from the imaginary funeral he had lived before, this time Teal'c was also coming. Having received the forgiveness he was indeed seeking, the warrior was ready to attend the funeral of his unintended victim.

The ceremony went the same way Sha're had predicted, with all the litanies and ritual gestures seen in the dream. Kasuf was solemnly saying a prayer in

Abydonian, respectfully listened both by the mourning Abydonians and by the people from the Tau'ri, who, although not understanding what was said, could still feel the holiness of the moment. Then it was Daniel's turn to do his duty as a husband and be her voice in front of the others. With a strong, but explainable sense of déja vu, he knelt in the sand. He remembered everything he had spoken at the imaginary burial from his vision, and, assuming that was the way Sha're wanted to say goodbye to her people, he repeated each single word, in Abydonian and in English, so that anyone could understand, insisting that Sha're was not guilty for the crimes the Goa'uld in her had committed.

Found true by the trial of the Great Scales, Sha're's soul was now free to join the Gods. Daniel watched once more as the body was slowly covered by dirt. That beautiful young body he had held and caressed, now left to decay down into the sands of the desert. But Daniel knew that was the natural law, cruel perhaps, but immutable and doubtlessly obeyed by every living being.

In a desperate attempt to focus on something else, he turned towards Kasuf.

"It was a beautiful ceremony Good Father," Daniel said, waiting to hear how this discussion would go this time.

"It was. My daughter is with the Gods now."

They were both silent for a minute and started to walk away together.

"Are you staying here, my son?" Kasuf asked softly after a while.

"No, Good Father. I would like to go back to Earth with my friends."

"Though I truly enjoy your presence, it is very good that you still intend to go through the Chappa'ai. It gives the people of Abydos great security, knowing you are out there among the stars, protecting us. My daughter would have wished you to continue your travels to the stars."

"I'm sure she would have," Daniel agreed quietly, not wanting to show his father-in-law that there was more to his words that one could understand in the first place.

"But come, Dan'iel. It is too late to go to the Chappa'ai now; therefore you and the other Tau'ri should remain here for the night."

o0o0o0o0o

Accepting Kasuf's invitation, Hammond, Dr. Frasier and the rest of SG1 were silently waiting in the Chief Elder's house. Daniel had wanted to see again the tent he had called 'home' for more than a year. The place he had shared with his wife, the space that still kept traces of her lost presence.

Daniel stopped in front of the entrance, a strange feeling crossing his soul. He was about to entered an almost sacred place for him, the home of so many memories… After a moment of just staying there, he moved to lift the curtains and stepped in, the heavy material falling back into place. The same curtains had moved almost four years before to let her in for the first time on the night the others considered their wedding night, revealing a frightened veiled young woman…

But their real wedding night, the night their union had been complete, was another. For the people of Abydos, they were married. But Daniel didn't felt that way. Two days after Jack and the others left, he asked Kasuf to perform a real, complete traditional ceremony for them. He had grown to love Sha're so much in such a short time, that he really wanted to spend the rest of his life with her; and since he was going to do so, he wanted it to be officially. The old man had accepted, and so, two weeks later, their traditional Abydonian wedding ceremony (forgotten by most, who preferred the simple way of getting married, only by being given a wife) has been a part of the feasts of joy that were taking place everywhere after Ra's

defeat.

As, even if she remained widow and remarried, an Abydonian woman wasn't allowed to wear the ceremonial wedding robes twice in her life, and Sha're had worn them before, she couldn't be dressed again like that. Daniel suggested white, and his idea had been put into practice. That night, a beautiful bright white material was covering her body, making her look like a young Roman matron. In spite of this, the rest of the ceremony was purely Abydonian, with slight modifications due to the recent freedom they have gained: the prayers to the false god Ra were replaced by invocations to the real, unseen but still real, deity that had to be out there. After the Abydonian ceremony was finally over, the young couple was left alone to retreat into the intimacy of their home.

/\/\/\/\/\/\

_Stopping in front of the entrance of their tent, Daniel, to Sha're's surprise, leaned over her and tenderly lifted her in his arms. _

"_It's a custom on Earth," he whispered into her ear, while she was still giggling, "that the bride should be carried over the threshold of their new home. We respected every single Abydonian tradition, so a couple of more Earth customs can fit in, right?"_

"_Of course, husband," she said, her voice trembling a little with emotion, "I love you…" she added in English, a language she had forced Daniel to teach her from the very first day after the other Tau'ri left. _

_The groom smiled and slowly _

_entered their tent with his new wife in his arms, softly letting her on the floor. Then, they kneeled in front of each other, and, holding hands, started to say those almost magical words Daniel had insisted should be the end of a proper ceremony. _

"_We're here alone, Sha're," Daniel began, "Just you and me, here alone, looking into each other's eyes and hoping to see the bright future before us."_

"_The prayers have been said, the traditions have been fulfilled, we have both drunk wine from the cup that bonds us together, people and gods have blessed our union…"_

"… _but there is one more thing left to do…"_

"… _to make the wedding vows that will truly wed us."_

"_Therefore, I, Daniel, take you, Sha're…"_

"_And I, Sha're, take you, Dan'iel…"_

"… _to be my wife…"_

"… _to be my husband…"_

"… _to have and to hold from this day forward…"_

"… _to love and to cherish…"_

"… _to care and protect you…"_

"… _to honour and respect you…" _

"… _to comfort and cherish you…"_

"… _to stay with you and be yours…"_

"… _for better or for worse…"_

"… _in times of plenty and in times of want…"_

"… _in times of sickness and in times of health…"_

"… _in times of joy and in times of sorrow…"_

"… _in times of failure and in times of triumph…"_

"… _in times of slavery and in times of freedom…"_

"… _till death do us part."_

"… _not until death do us part," Sha're changed the usual words much to Daniel's surprise, "but… for all the days that my immortal soul shall have."_

"_Forever, then."_

"_Forever."_

_And with the power they had been given by their love, Daniel and Sha're declared themselves husband and wife._

/\/\/\/\/\/\

Daniel sighed, as the last traces of the memory faded away. Yes, that had been their first night together in the true meaning of the word, their first night as husband and wife. And than there followed so many other nights of love, tenderness, passion and bliss… But all this was now lost. Now, standing alone in the place that used to be their home, in the place that looked exactly as they had left it the day they went to the pyramid the day Apophis destroyed their life, he could only remember the one year that was their entire life together. There had been "for better" in that single year of marriage, and now he was alone to face "for worse": there had been plenty, now there was want, there had been health, now there was sickness, there had been joy, now there was sorrow, there had been triumph, now there was failure, there had been happiness, now there was pain.

But no, Daniel wasn't right and he realised it immediately. No, he wasn't alone. Death did not part them, Sha're had chosen the correct words for her vow: their union was to last forever.

"Good Son…?"

Daniel turned and saw Kasuf standing by him, a concerned look on his old face. His father-in-law must have entered while he was still deep in memories, Daniel thought.

"I'm fine, Good Father. I just wanted to see this place for the last time…"

"Are you not reconsidering about--?"

"No, Kasuf, I really want this tent and all the belongings to be given to some poor families who are in need. Sha're would have liked this."

"Yes… But there are some things I'm sure she would have wanted you to have. I shall send them as soon as we finish what needs to be done."

"I trust your wise judgement, Good Father."

"And right now, my wise judgement tells me it's time for the evening meal. Come, Dan'iel. Nor you, nor your friends have eaten; they are my guests and I have to show them that the desert may be inhospitable, but its people are able of the highest hospitality."

o0o0o0o0o

Kasuf had been right; the people of Abydos couldn't miss any chance to show the hospitality their Elder was talking about, although, this time, the event that had brought them guests weren't fortunate at all. It was a quiet, sad dinner, but even Daniel had to admit it was some sort of a family meal.

For Janet and for the General, this was one of their rare trips through the gate; they had come here to show their colleague and friend their condolences and offer their support in these difficult times. But Hammond took the opportunity and also discussed some diplomatic matters with Kasuf, while Janet couldn't help but be amazed by the rudimental, but efficient ways of treatment the Abydonians were using.

Jack, Sam and Teal'c took part in the conversation, but, in the same time, each of them was keeping an eye on Daniel. He was silent almost all the time, barely eating and seeming to be lost in thoughts. This happened a lot now, they knew, and all of them realised that being on Abydos must be bringing a lot of memories to him.

And SG1's assumption was a correct one. Everything here was reminding him of Sha're and the beautiful moments he had had with her. Inevitable

comparisons rose in his mind, between what had been 'then' and what was 'now', between his regular meals with his extended Abydonian family and this dinner with Kasuf, SG1, Hammond, Janet and a few Abydonians.

Images floated before his eyes: Sha're gently bringing the plates, Skaara teasing her, the boys laughing, Kasuf smiling widely and telling them to stop… Now the bittersweet memories weren't bringing him pain, as it had been in the first few days after he had lost her forever; but still, it was a long way to the day when he would only find comfort in them. The wound was still

raw; the pain was still too fresh in his heart.

Nevertheless, being here helped him more than he could have imagined. Abydos had been the only true home he had found since he lost his parents. Not that when he was a child he had had a 'home' in the usual meaning of the word. His parents used to travel a lot, to go to digs, exhibitions and conferences all over the world, and little Danny was always carried with them. He enjoyed it, and he had a 'home' in the sense that he was surrounded by people who loved him and cared. When they died and Nick wouldn't take him in, Daniel almost forgot how it was to feel like home. Until the first Stargate mission, until he met Sha're. Until Abydos.

Of course, Daniel knew that now he had another home, with the good friends that became almost his family. His apartment, Jack's house, the SGC or any campsite across the galaxy was 'home' as long as he was with his friends.

Still, it wasn't the same thing. The 'home' he felt rather than had now was the same sense of belonging he had lived with his parents. Abydos had been different: it brought him stability, something he had missed both in his childhood and now, when every mission could be the last one. Sure, he enjoyed adventure and the discoveries they made were paradise for him, but on Abydos… he had more, he had the security of always having a place to return to after his exploring trips, and always finding someone willing to listen to him and be there for him. That 'someone' had been Sha're and now she was gone.

Sha're… the first one to understand him, the first one to love him, the first one to care. And he lost her. In a cynical way, loosing his wife in the first place had brought something good to Daniel – the return to Earth, being assigned at the SGC and part of a team. He was graceful for that, but it didn't mean that he didn't need Sha're any more. He'll always need her; he'll always love her. But she was now gone.

"Daniel?" Jack's words brought the archaeologist back to the present. "Isn't this the same plate we were offered the first time?"

Yes, the colonel was right. The same dish of desert lizard that tasted like chicken.

"You know," O'Neill went on, "I didn't try it back then, but now… I think you were right. Yep. Tastes like chicken!"

Daniel just smiled. He missed Sha're greatly, but he knew he hadn't lost her completely. And it definitely was good to be home…

o0o0o0o0o

The small gathering for eating was over and everyone was supposed to go to bed, since early in the morning they planned to return to Earth and it was a long way from Nagada to the Stargate. Kasuf had plenty of space in his house, so the General, Janet and the rest of SG1 had been hosted at his place, while Daniel decided to spend the night, for the last time, in the house he and Sha're had used

during their short marriage. He wanted to be alone in this place, although he didn't know whether it was a good decision.

But his plans of loneliness had to wait, as Kasuf's voice could be soon heard from outside, asking if he might enter the tent of his son-in-law.

"Of course, Good Father, come in," Daniel answered, somehow relieved that he would have company for a while. He had pleaded with everyone to let him alone this night (and Jack was extremely difficult to convince….), but now he was starting to regret it, so Kasuf's visit was greatly appreciated.

"Good Son," the old man started in a solemn voice, after some moments of just sitting in front of Daniel, "I have come… to tell you something that you don't know, but I think you need to find out now.

A fact of great importance."

"What is it, Kasuf?"

"The truth," he said simply, a small twinkle visible in his eyes.

Daniel didn't have time to react, as the other man quickly went on:

"The truth about how my daughter became your wife."

Daniel was stunned. He knew it: the Abydonians thought he was a messenger of Ra and The Elders decided to…

"This is something only two people in the world knew – Sha're and myself. You and everyone else are wrong to think that I decided to give her to you. She asked me to keep it a secret, but now I think I am absolved of that promise and I can tell you what really happened that night…."

/\/\/\/\/\/\

_Kasuf was desperate. What was this, a test? He expected Ra to return these days; it was the time of the year this god came to collect everything they were digging from the mines. Kasuf didn't like how things were, but he had been born to obey the god and he couldn't do or say everything _

_that would come in contradiction with his upbringing. But no one could control his thoughts, and deep in his soul, Kasuf knew something just wasn't right with their dependency of this Ra… _

_Were the beings that controlled their lives true gods? He was raised to believe so, but an incident, which had happened in his early years, had cast a shadow over his blind faith: he had seen something totally unsuitable for a god. A servant of Ra was… dead, probably poisoned by snakebite, his corps lying in the middle of the desert, eaten by scavenger birds. It was than when he _

_realised the shiny appearance of these beings was just a shell – it wasn't part of their body. They were made of flash and blood like him. Gods aren't humans, gods don't die from the poison of a mere inferior life form, gods aren't helpless about the profanation of their own bodies. The only reasonable assumption was… that this dead body in front of him wasn't belonging to a god. _

_Years had passed since his discovery. He had never told anyone, not even his wife, whom, not according to Abydonian tradition, he was telling everything. But the impression of the dead god _

_had haunted him for a long time and tormented him. Every time the gods came back, he started examining them and uncertainty grew in his soul. The people had a hard life, while their gods lived in luxury and only came to take away all the substance they collected, not giving anything back. Good gods weren't supposed to act like that. It wasn't fair. _

_But he couldn't express his doubt in public. Moreover, as an Elder, he had to preach obedience to the god Ra. It was a great inner conflict in him, but his only chance to, someday, chance something was to remain an __Elder. _

_But he wasn't the only one doubting. The Abydonians realised they were slaves. In folk literature appeared a new tale – one about the day they would be free. It was illegal to say this aloud, but people whispered. One day, everyone wanted to believe, a great warrior would have the courage to face the god and bring salvation to Abydos. Kasuf desperately adopted this belief, like a new religion, and could only hope that the raising of this hero would be during his lifetime._

_When Sha're was born after such a long time of marriage, when he had almost started to believe that Ra had cursed him and his wife to be barren because of his unspoken disobedience, he had made a silent vow. He took the birth of his daughter as a sign that the Day was approaching. This beautiful child wouldn't have to live in slavery. He, as a father, was determined not to give her hand to any young man, but the one hero who would free Abydos from the tyranny of Ra._

_This was the reason Sha're was not yet married, although her beauty attracted dozens of wooers. Kasuf had refused them all, without telling the real reason to anyone. _

_And now, with the arrival of these men, what could he do? Were they sent by Ra himself, to test the faith of the Abydonians? Or had they suppressed Ra (one of them was wearing The Eye __of Ra) and now they were trying to enslave them? No, this couldn't be. They didn't seem to want to replace Ra as rulers of this place, but who could tell what was their true purpose? _

_If this were a test, he wouldn't fail. He showed them all the hospitality and was determined to do everything in his power not to displease them in any way, especially that at least one of them, the fair-haired one, had seemed so friendly and eager to understand them._

_The other Elders had decided that giving a woman to this one would be both a sign of appreciation and would create a bond between him and them. Cruel as it seemed (since the girl's future could be destroyed forever), Kasuf couldn't disagree, but, as Chief Elder, he had the right to choose who would be the bride._

_He was thinking of this right now. There were several beautiful girls of good families that could take this mission, but he just couldn't decide which one. He knew them, they had played in his house together with his children, and he just couldn't choose to probably ruin the life of any of them. What was he to do? The old women had already taken the man to prepare him for this, and Kasuf had to hurry and choose a bride. But how? Who? _

"_Father?" he heard in that precise second __and, turning, saw his daughter standing by his side, a worried expression on her face. _

"_Sha're, what are you doing here?" he schooled, "you should make sure there's enough food for our guests and…"_

"_That's precisely what I wanted to talk to you, Father. I know you are going to give a wife to one of them. Whom are you sending?" she asked in a low, serious voice._

_Kasuf didn't answer._

"_Mijda? Kel'oraa? Ruba'ni?" her tone became rough. "You can't do this, Father. They are my friends, and I know they are all engaged. Mijda loves her future husband since we were children. Kel'oraa is to marry Hus'finm next week, and it will be a great shame for him if the wedding was cancelled. As for Ruba'ni, she --"_

"_Silence!" Kasuf ordered, something he rarely did with his children. He realised Sha're was right, but… "What could I do, child?" he continued in a softer voice. "The Elders have __decided that we should do this --" _

"_But you are the Chief Elder, Father! You are their leader, you could oppose this decision!" she pleaded. It wasn't normal for a girl to challenge her father's decisions, not to mention the decisions of the Council of Elders, but this time Sha're had something in mind and nothing could stop her._

"_Sha're," he sadly answered, calmer than she expected him to be, "you know the rules as well as I know them. I am one, and I can't do anything but obey what was decided by all the Elders. I understand your point of view and as a father I have the same opinion, but as the Chief Elder I have no choice but to --"_

"… _act in spite of your __judgement and your heart! I know! You always do this --" _

"_Yes. Even if it costs me dearly. And now I should do the same thing. The Council has decided that a woman would please these gods, and -- "_

"_These people are not gods, Father, and you know that."_

"_They are messengers of Ra!" Kasuf stated, in spite of his earlier hesitation to believe this._

"_No they aren't!" Sha're continued to disagree, knowing she was walking on an unsafe road. "They don't have the arrogance, or the self-conceit, or the --"_

"_Enough!" Kasuf stopped her although her words reflected his own thoughts, "Ra is our god, and if the strangers come from him, we --"_

"_No, Father," she insisted, and Kasuf could see in his eyes the same determination he used to hold once, "Ra…" her voice was cut off, but after a moment of heavy silence, she went on: "You, Father, have your own doubts about Ra being a true god", she said, bending her head and expecting a punishment for blasphemy._

_Kasuf's eyes widened in amazement. "You __know I could legally take your life for saying such infamous words." _

_Eyes down, Sha're waited for her father and lord to continue._

"_But I will not. How did you realise, my daughter?" the old man said quietly, defeated. But Kasuf knew the answer – she was his blood, and, just like her mother used to, she could sometimes understand him better than he could understand himself. _

_Sha're took the opportunity to bring the conversation where she wanted: "Father, don't send any of my friends. Don't go over their will to forcefully marry her… Please…"_

_Kasuf couldn't help but be proud for her courage to maintain her idea. Unfortunately, he had his orders… "And what should I do?!" he almost screamed, exasperated by his helplessness._

_Sha're was silent for a moment, as if she was deep in thought, considering the solutions. Then, her choice made, she looked directly in her father's eyes and __quietly, but unflinchingly, spoke: _

"_Send me, Father."_

_The man couldn't believe his ears. Sha're was risking to fight so as no young woman should be given as a _

_wife, and she had just admitted that she was prepared to go herself. She was known for her kindness and her abnegation, but this wasn't the case. Unless… _

"_Sha're, do you… do you love this man…?" It was a most unusual question for a man to ask his daughter, but the entire conversation had been extremely unsuitable…_

"_No," she simply said, amazingly not surprised by his direct inquiry. "I do not love him…" she said, and then, blushing, she softly added: "But I think that, in time, I shall be able to become a good wife for him…"_

_A small smile appeared on Kasuf's lips, but soon died out as he remembered the vow he had made._

"_I can't," he told her, turning his gaze away._

"_Why?"_

"_Because…" He knew she wouldn't be satisfied without a very good explanation, so he decided to tell her the truth. "You are right, I do believe that Ra is a cruel tyrant and not a true god. He had to be eliminated and only a real hero could do that. When you were born, I swore to give you as a wife only to a warrior who wouldn't bow his head in front of that deceiver and would fight for the freedom I never was brave enough to fight for myself…" _

"_Oh, Father…" Sha're didn't know what to say._

"_Therefore I cannot --"_

"_But," she cut him off again, "maybe this one, who wears the Eye of Ra, is the hero we expect…"_

"_He's not even a warrior. The others, yes, are fighters, but he… he's a mere scholar…"_

"_A scholar, yes, but a scholar may be exactly what we need," she said, excited by that possibility and coming closer to her now confused father._

"_What do you mean?"_

"_Father, Ra may be cruel and merciless, but he's not stupid. He prohibited writing for a reason…"_

"_I can see where you are going, my child, but how could a scholar bring freedom to our people?" Kasuf knew that, if this discussion was overheard by anyone, both Sha're and himself were in a big trouble. _

"_He might not fight with the power of his arm, but he could fight with the power of his wit," Sha're continued her argumentation._

"_Sha're, we don't know who these strangers are and what are they here for… They could…"_

"_I am willing to take the risk. Any risk concerning this man!" she said, but blushed again immediately. "He can't have been sent by Ra, Father, he's completely different from his servants… and from any other man I have even known…" she went on, ignoring the fact that she kept turning redder and redder. "He seems to be so gentle and kind… He's not afraid to show his curiosity and he's so interested in everything… He--"_

"_I understand. Perhaps you are indeed right, my child," Kasuf sighted, seeing the bright wide smile blossoming oh his daughter's lips. Sha're wasn't smiling to him, but to her dreams of the future, and her father had seen that beautiful smile before – his wife used to have it when she lovingly looked into his eyes. Sha're was sometimes so much like her mother! It was an almost painful resemblance for Kasuf to observe… But maybe she had a point. These men could be the ones to make a change, and the one wearing the Eye of Ra could particularly bring happiness to his daughter. But what if he was wrong, and Sha're's life with him would be a continuous nightmare? _

_His old hand reached for her cheek and he softly caressed her face, the determination in her eyes making him finally decide._

"_Go," was the only word he said, than embraced his daughter and watched as she quickly left to get ready for this important step _

_in her life. She had chosen her husband, something that rarely happened on Abydos. He only agreed and gave his blessing. _

"_I love you, Sha're, my little girl…" Kasuf whispered, alone in the empty tent. _

/\/\/\/\/\/\

"This is what really happened, Good Son. You were to be given a wife, but my daughter was the one who decided to be yours."

Daniel didn't know what to say. He never expected this. Though, considering Sha're's temper and determination, he could have thought of this astonishing possibility. Now, some events appeared in a new light to him, but this disclosure could only increase the beauty of their life together.

"Why didn't she want to tell me?" he asked, curious only, not upset.

"Sha're loved you more than anything, Dan'iel. At first, she just thought that maybe you could feel uncomfortable knowing that… she was the one to choose you, and not you to choose her."

"Yeah, I see. Thank you, Kasuf, for telling this to me. I can't feel anything but delighted that that was the way it had happened."

"I know my daughter had made the right decision, Dan'iel. Becoming your wife, her life was complete."

"Yes. For a very short time."

"Good Son, know this:" the old man said in a more than convincing voice, putting his hands on Daniel's shoulders and looking him straight in the eye, "Sha're had no regrets. In spite of what happened afterwards, I am sure that she was always grateful for the blissful time spent at you side. You have brought her such a great happiness…"

"And she has made me the most fulfilled man in the world, Good Father. Your daughter was an exceptional woman."

"Dan'iel, I am proud to have been the one to be her father, but you… you must be most proud to have had her as you wife!" Kasuf ended, then, without any other explanations, he left, so as his Good Son couldn't see his old tears.

o0o0o0o0o

Daniel couldn't sleep. He just couldn't stay there alone. He couldn't sleep there alone, without with her in his arms. It was too painful. So he headed to the desert, a place that also held so many memories…

It was relieving to be there again, to watch the Abydonian night sky and see Sha're's smile in the shining of the familiar constellations. The two of them had been here alone for so many times… just holding each other and feeling their hearts beating in the same rhythm.

There was just the desert all around him – and nothing but silence. The small noises in the night, the soft sound of the wind rustling over the dunes were only deepening the silence.

Silence was also in Daniel's mind. For the moment, there wasn't any struggling within or any painful thought to disturb the calm inner peace he seemed to have found. Playing with the sand, letting it run through his fingers, he was feeling the comfort of this magical land, the comfort of home.

Here, alone among the sands of Abydos, Daniel could be in a way together with his lost Sha're. And all her love had morphed into the caress of the dunes.

The END


End file.
